Needing a break from the world

And so it was about 5 o'clock in the morning and I was wide awake and at the same time extremely sleepy and tired, after having gone to sleep at what most call not a decent hour, this whole waking up before it looks like the sun is coming out is not a good thing at all.
I was tossing and turning for about an hour and a half trying to force myself to go back to sleep and all I really ended up accomplishing is to make myself extremely hungry so eventually I ended up just getting up and trying to start my day, but as I was starting my day I had this amazingly strong feeling of needing a break from the world, and I mean a real break, when I am just let be and can deal with my thoughts without any interruptions, or maybe when I can actually just not think about anything for one moment and feel how that if fucking fine because you know what sometimes you just have to sit there and look out the window while sipping on a cup of tea and just not think about anything, just be in a daze.
Then of course, because I am not capable of just feeling the way I feel without figuring out why I am feeling that way, I started to try and figure out why I was feeling how I was feeling. Maybe it is just me, maybe it is that in the past few years I have grown so much that I have suddenly reached a place of spirituality that I never really knew could be achieved and because I went on the road on my own I don't really have anyone else that I can relate with about any of it, but the more I learned about the universe, the way it works, the true meaning of happiness I ended up becoming more and more aware of society and its rules and the people around me suddenly became more annoying than I thought they have ever been. Yes, that last part does not seem to be something someone that has been through an spiritual journey would say, but hear me out for a bit....
Sometimes we get to a point where we can't really explain everything that is going on because we don't quite understand it ourselves yet so how could we possibly be asked to explain it to someone else. At this same point we also get this immense feeling that even though some of the things we are doing make absolutely no sense at all and that any logical person would say we are being fools because the things we are doing are bound to fail, we still know that it will not, we don't know how, we don't know why, but we just know.
I read an article that called our intuition that, "knowing without knowing", and it made perfect sense to me because that's where I am at right now, I know without really knowing but I just know and that feeling of me just knowing without really knowing has become stronger and stronger with time and my inability to explain it to everyone else has put me in a place where everyone else is annoying the living shit out of me because as humans we all want to know, we want explanations, we want the answers and we don't allow ourselves to just enjoy the feeling.
Yesterday was probably one of the worst days, I was bombarded with questions from the moment I got up, things that I really don't have the answer to and other things that I could give someone advice on and then other things that kept being pushed through and through even after I had been very clear about not having the answer to it. And then at night I was so exhausted from all of it that I felt I had reach an entire new level of exhaustion that I did not know existed. So I tried to get away but it seemed like there was no place to hide because as I was walking away I would bump into one more conversation I really did not want to have but that I felt I was obligated to have, you know that mmm let me answer this because I have not talked to them in a while and I just should, which is completely wrong because really there is no obligation for it.
Then I started to think about why is it that the more I talk to people the angrier and unhappier I get, psychology says that human beings need interaction with others and for some reason the interactions I've had with people lately have made me not want to interact with them any longer. The world, society to be more precise, has come to be a collective negative thought, it is one after the other, and it is full of complaints and sorrows. I recently stepped away from having to talk to a person I love very much because their way of communicating is all over the place, they will change the subject midway and if you are actually trying to say something to them they will interrupt and go to something different, or the best one of all because this is the one I just could not stand, when I was talking about an issue and instead of trying to turn the issue into something not so negative they would use words that would probably bring more of a demise to myself than anything else.
Words have a lot of power, I don't believe that what society calls "bad" words are as bad as society says they are because there are way worse things you can say to actually curse yourself and those around you. Using words like you cannot do this, or if you do this then this (enter bad thing here) will happen have more power than a mere fuck you! When you put sentences like that together you are throwing such an intense amount of negativity towards that person and you don't even know you are doing it. And see I decided to pointed out and it was all dismissed, so I did what I always do when I know I can't battle other people's demons, I walked away and now ignore.
However, that is not the only person that does it, every single human being that I have come into contact with does the exact same thing, they don't do it on purpose because they are not even aware that they are doing it but they do it, and so I find myself in a new situation that I don't know how to handle, because I know I have done so too but I am now aware of it so I need to find a way to not do it as much anymore but it is impossible to do when you have 100 other people around you still doing it.
So I decided I need a break from the world, I need a break from society and a break from the silly rules that tell everyone how you need to live your life, that are focused on all the wrong things, I need a break from people who I have told over and over what it is that I want to do and how I want to live my life, the job I want to have but they refuse to let it be and continue to tell me what would be better for me, how I should do this and that because then I will have better things and a better life, none of them understand how what they are wanting for me will not make me happy which in turn will make my life not better but worse.
I need a break from the constant planning of the world, I need a break from those that want everything to happen instantly and that don't understand that we are all a work in progress, that life is a constant lesson being taught and once you are done learning one you are put right on to the next, that there is no such thing as I will wait until I am ready because you are never ready, you can never get ready for the next thing life will throw at you all you can do is jump in and keep on going. A break from those who have no patience and who have a constant need to understand that which has no explanation, because the reality is that some things just don't, they can't be explained and that is ok, it is part of the mystery of life and what makes life so wonderful.
I need a break from the negativity that we are all being drowned in, the intolerance that exists, the judgement of life when you decide to live it differently even though you are not hurting anyone. I was talking to one of my moms the other day and I accidentally told her something I was going to do that I have not really talked about to anyone because I know as soon as I open my mouth all this why are you doing this, you are wasting your time on this and this makes no sense and there is nothing you can do with this and nothing you will learn from this and this is the most useless thing you can ever do would come out, and yes I know I should give them all a chance but see a few years ago I did give them all a chance and that is exactly what they said so I did not do it even though in the depths of my soul I knew I would be happy doing it and yet logic won that battle so I didn't, as soon as I barely mentioned this and thankfully I was able to change the subject and lead her to a different one immediately, these were her words exactly: Why would you do that? Can't you do something different? I need a break from that too.
I just really need a break, I know I am not the only one that has ever felt like this, wanting to change the world, knowing that they can't and changing themselves but living in what appears to be a constant battle because everyone else wants you to be like everyone. It's like those that are miserable and did not get to do what they wanted and how they wanted believe the rest of the world should follow, they spill their negativity to their children and grandchildren, their collective conscious is so big and strong that it is exhausting to keep fighting against it, they want to control life all the time without realizing there is no such thing so when you are trying to go with the flow of life they are trying to push you to go against it. I need a break from all that, and even though I am sitting here stating how I need a break from all of it, somehow somewhere someone will say no you don't, and that is not a good thing and they will try to make me feel guilty about wanting the break and it will be a battle just because a break is needed.
We live in such an amazing world and the people in it make it so difficult to live in it by not allowing themselves and others to just live and enjoy what we have been given and worrying about what tomorrow will bring, what the next big thing will be, how you will get ahead and prepare to get ahead when all you really have to do to get ahead is to start walking, is so easy and simple and we make it so hard.
Here is to all of those who understand this, to those that keep on walking and that are exhausted from all the worries of the world and are fully aware that they are not your worries but that they are thrown on you without you asking for them. Here is to those who also need a break from all of this because you cannot constantly walk without taking a pause, we all need to rest. Here is to hoping that you will get said break and that it will make you a stronger person and help you find the shields you need to keep walking peacefully towards that which will truly make you happy, those things we know can't be bought with money but that can be gained by letting your heart guide you.
May you all be blessed with strength and willpower to keep going and not give up, eventually I know there will be more of us and we will be strong enough to swim down and break the net. Blessed be!