You think too much

People always tell me that I think too much, personally I feel people don't think enough! And all I have to do to prove that is look at my newsfeed on my Facebook and tweeter, all the different things people post, say and do.

Unfortunately lack of thinking is what gets all of us into trouble, I don't care who you are if you don't think about what you are saying, doing or about to do then you are bound to make a big mistake. 

Think about it! How many times have you gotten into an argument with someone because they just did not put in the effort to think about what you wrote or posted and ended up misunderstanding what you were trying to convey? How many times have you done something and someone did not put the effort into thinking about maybe asking you directly why you did such thing or maybe just put in the effort into thinking that if you are not harming anyone then it's none of their business what you do and should focus on thinking on ways to make themselves better!

This is usually what happens to me, and I'm sure someone will misunderstand all of this and say well I think all the time about all my problems and all the problems people have caused me so I think enough... Mmm no you are not! You are worrying and not thinking enough because of you were thinking enough you will come to an understanding that any problems that have already been caused can't be undone and therefore all you have left to do is move on and try to find a solution. If you think about what other people have caused you then you are still not thinking enough! You can't change people but you can change you, you can move on and get rid of those that have caused you pain and don't have the ability to change or that just really don't want to, if you were thinking enough you would come to realize that all you can really do is learn from the experience take what you have learned and move on....

How many times I've had people misinterpret what I've said or shared and later called me a hypocrite or tell me that I shouldn't share the things I don't really believe in... All because they just don't think enough! 

So seriously in my view people should put more effort into thinking about what they are doing and saying, I see all these kids and people doing all these stupid stupid stuff and wonder what the hell were they thinking, when the reality is that they really were not... 

Mistakes

I guess everyone has had someone hurt them in their lives, one way or another people are bound to hurt you sometime and you are bound to hurt some people sometimes... whether it is a boyfriend, a parent, a husband, girlfriend, wife, child, family member or friend, there will always be someone that will hurt you.

It's the sad truth, the sad reality, one we all must deal with... So how do we deal with it? There are people that will come into our lives and hurt us more than others, some will cause us greater pain just because we never expect them or we are taught that we should never expect them to hurt us.

Earlier I wrote on Facebook how we are never the same after we make a mistake or someone makes a mistake with us, I used a painted piece of wood as a metaphor: you paint the wood, start writing letters on it and make a mistake so them you have the choice of painting over it or sanding the mistake down and starting over, either way the wood is never the same and either way it takes time and effort to fix the mistake. See if you paint over the wood the mistake is under that paint, it's covered but it's still there and if you don't paint over it enough the shadow will always follow; on the other hand, if you sand it down you will have marks of the sand paper over the wood, no matter how hard you try the marks will remain there and it also takes a lot of effort and lots of patience...

So does fixing a relationship, it takes effort, it takes patience but most of all it takes two people to come to an agreement that the same mistake will not be repeated and to actually make the commitment that the mistake won't be repeated, then you can sand down and afterwards create something better, something stronger and more beautiful!

But what happens when the other person is unwilling to sand down the mistake? To paint over it enough to hide it and forget about it because with time it will be covered with something beautiful, then should you go ahead and spend time trying to fix that piece of wood? You shouldn't, you can't force someone to forget, to create new and better memories, sometimes people come into out lives just so that we learn a lesson, sometimes those people are someone we had one of the best relationships with and that's why it hurts us most when we have to let them go, especially if we made the mistake that hurt them and they are unwilling or unable to give a second chance... Then it is ok to go find a new piece of wood and create something better with it, not making the same mistake you made before and being grateful that you could learn from the past one.

What if you come to an agreement with this other person and apologies are given all around but after a while the person makes the same mistake again? Basically they created something beautiful only to throw an ugly color of paint over it after a while... Do you then try to fix that piece of wood again or do you walk away from it? Is it then fixable? Is it worth it? Maybe it is, but most likely it is not... A person that is given a second chance and ends up making the same mistake again is a person that is unwilling to change, so no matter how much you sand down the wood, how much you paint over it again, it will take more effort, more strength to build something better and more beautiful, and after it is built if the other person has not changed they will ruin it again... So it's best to walk away because at that point they've confused a second chance with the acceptance of bad behavior, and you should never accept bad behavior. 

What about this: what about a person hurts you but they never apologize? What if they think that what they did was correct, if they think it was correct then there is no need to apologize, even when you tell them that they've hurt you they blame you for it... At some point if you are very close to this person you start to believe it and then you try and work on sanding down the wood, on painting over it but since the other person does not think they made a mistake they keep throwing the ugly paint over the wood and then what? Should you keep working on making the wood beautiful? No, you shouldn't. This is also accepting bad behavior and a relationship will never be good if one person just accepts the bad behavior of the other because at one point this person will end up breaking the wood to the point of it being unfixable, and after the wood is broken they will break you! And you are like a piece of glass, if it is broken and you try to glue it together it's never the same... However, you can always pick up the pieces melt them together and make a better you, once you've walked away from those that only know how to break things.

With all the examples above, when you find that you can't save the relationship, when you find it that it is not worth creating something new, or that you tried to do so but couldn't, you will also find yourself broken in millions of little pieces like when a glass breaks, because every time we can't fix a relationship with someone we love we get broken. But if we have the courage, if we find the strength and the patience to pick up all those little pieces, melt them up and make something better, make ourselves better it is then that we have not really lost because when we can transform pain into a positive thing, when we use it as a drive to become better ourselves rather than use it as a force to stop us from keeping going then we have won something that very few have learned: the power of self-transformation, the power to rise from the ashes and not let our past mistakes define us and with that we earn the power to attract good to us because the better we become, the more we convert pain into something positive the more we will attract people that do just that and what a gift that can be! So don't ever feel bad for those pieces of wood that couldn't be fixed, learn from them and become a better you! And with those that you are able to fix and create something more beautiful, cherish those! They don't come along very often, those are the ones that will continue to become more and more beautiful as time goes by, those are the second chances that make life worth it, that fill life with hope and you can't never go wrong with something that fills you with hope! 

Do you trust you?

A few days ago I got a text from a friend asking me to research a company to see if she should go work with them or not.  I asked her what she wanted to do and her answer was that something was telling her to go for it but she was scared that it would turned out bad.

My answer was: "go with what you are being told." She is one of those people that will never go with her "gut feelings", her instinct, that little voice inside telling you to take the leap.  I was like that once, then as time went by and different things happened in my life good and bad I realized that when I follow that little voice inside the one that gives you the crazy idea that fills you up with fear just thinking about it, things always turned up good.

So the question is: what is this voice? I don't know, I could sit here and say it's a higher being, that it is God, that it's angels watching over you and if you don't believe in any of that you will start treating me like a total mental case and completely dismiss me. That voice could also be you, a higher version of you, a you that has the power to know what will happen next without having all the pieces that are needed to put the puzzle together but that can see the full picture, it's the part of you that seems irrational at the moment because all the information is not completely given. 

Yes, I think that exists, you can call it whatever you want, we all have it! There is one voice that guides us to what our deepest heart's desires are, one that is in sync with our soul and that will never take us through a path of destruction. But do you ever trust that voice? Do you ever trust that you? Do you trust it maybe sometimes or when it makes the most sense or do you completely dismiss it?

It's extremely hard to completely trust it, being that extremely logical being I once was I can attest that the hardest things I've done in my life is to begin to trust that voice, and even now there are times when I totally dismiss it, I dismiss it for that "this is what I want to do right now" voice or that "this is what I should do right now" voice, but I've learned, I've gone back to every time I could remember hearing the voice and then remembering what happened after I did or did not do as the voice said and I found that the more I did not listen to it the more trouble I would find myself into. It was like I was taking detours to my final destination and it was taking me way longer to get there and along the way I would become miserable. 

So why not listen to it more closely? For those who pray do you ever think that maybe your prayers are being answered but that you are too busy praying which is like someone talking when they should be listening and therefore you miss out on the directions you need to follow to get to the life your soul has always wanted? That happiness that can't be reached by doing what other human beings tell you to do but only by following the desires of your soul. 

It's never too late to learn to trust that inner you, it's never too late to believe in something a little greater than yourself even if that is part of you. It's never too late to find true happiness and to follow your dreams... So go on, learn to trust that higher you! Those angels, instincts, God, soul... Whatever you want to call it, learn to trust it, I promise that when you do so your life will start to change so drastically and for the better that you will not believe what's happening! 

Our souls

I was chatting with a friend today and was asked what was a happy thing that happened to me recently, my answer was that this week I saw him shine... I had seen him at work sometime this week and there was this light surrounding him. Believe it or not I know that I was not the only one that saw it, you can always tell when the light of someone radiates on to everyone else, and you can always tell who the source of that light is.
So it got me thinking, or at least put this thought in my head, because long ago someone had said to me the same thing, their exact words were: "You walked in and you were shinning" now the day they saw me I was extremely ill and I really did not know what the heck they were referring to, let alone what the light they saw meant.  As I kept getting more and more curious and reading more and more I learned about auras and the light they give out and I learned about our higher selves, the different planes of existence that people have come to philosophize about, etc etc...
But today I realized that the light they talk about is nothing but our souls radiating through and our souls are nothing more than a little child and just like little children who aren't afraid of anything, who fall down cry for a bit after they get the biggest bruise but then they go and do the exact same thing that gave them that bruise, they forget quickly, they will get yelled at for doing something they are not supposed to be doing but even after getting emotionally hurt by the words of their parents they still come back to them and give them a hug and they forget quickly that we have yelled in anger.
That is exactly how our souls are, they forget and they want to go ahead and try again, they don't remember getting hurt, they don't remember the words that were said or the beatings we got, they just know that the only thing they want to do is go for it, they just want to be happy... It is our human part that remembers everything, it is the human part of us, that physical being with a brain that tries to make everything logical and that learns and remembers sorrow and pain that takes over as we are growing up, we are wired to remember how we got hurt and why, and then in order to protect ourselves we unconsciously decide that we have to go ahead and stop our souls from taking over and we stop ourselves from our soul wanting to do the things it wants. We stop ourselves from loving because we are afraid we will get hurt, it has happened before so why do it again? We stop ourselves from daydreaming because our human side says that the majority of times those dreams will never come true, and so we stop ourselves from doing the very things that feed our souls, our higher self, that self that does not have any boundaries, that knows no bounds and that is all good, the self that comes from a higher being who knows no evil, and when we do that, the light that our souls radiate slowly starts fading... And suddenly yourself is covered in this ridiculous cloud and you start feeling ordinary.
But make no mistake the soul is more powerful than the human in us, it will find a way to come out and shine through no matter what you do to try and kill it, it might be that it shines after an encounter with some stranger and having one of the greatest conversations of your life, at which point you start thinking that life is not so bad, that things could get better, that there are people out there that are good... Or you will get really ill because when we do not feed our souls, which I think are what fuel us to keep going and the soul starts dying out then our life force also diminishes, and so we are found in a hospital bed tied to machines and praying to get better, even if we have never prayed before.
So how is it that we can make sure our souls don't die out, how do we overcome the fears we have all learned through the years, that fear of rejection so you won't hug a friend when they are close only because they might just push you away, or the fear of getting hurt so you stop showing how much you really love another, what about the fear of people leaving you behind and just walking away, so instead you just don't meet anyone else, instead you just stay quiet when you really want to talk about what's going on... All we have to do is listen to it, instead of listening to the logic of our brains, we have to shut that down sometimes and just listen to the voice of our souls, that part of us that is never afraid to take a chance, the part of us that does not remember being hurt but only remembers how happy we were when we were truly loving someone else, that part that does not remember someone walking away but remembers only the times those who walked away where around, and really when our human side remembers those good moments, no one can say that they don't immediately smile.

The idea of God

The idea of God is not about one almighty being that is in complete control of everything, it's about one almighty being that is there to guide us and help us achieve what we want in life.... That was the thought that came to mind today...
After having what I would say was one pretty damn interesting night last night, and once again not being able to sleep but having great philosophical conversations, one with someone who probably did not even grasp what I was saying but was just a perfect stranger there making me feel like I was actually talking to someone when the reality was that I was just talking to myself, and while he did understood certain theories of mine I came to realize that most people are very set in their ways, very few people have the capacity of expanding their minds and actually giving another thought the possibility of it being a reality...
So yeah, we were talking about God, interestingly enough this older gentleman did not throw bible verses at me but instead he spoke about how he actually saw the existence of that almighty being (and this was not a conversation of whether the being exists or does not exists, this was a conversation what the being does if in fact it exists)
And then the words came... he said: "God is in control" and this was the first time I was actually able to explain to someone how terribly wrong that is, and actually able to say part of what I wrote in a previous blog... God is not in control! No one really is... and so I explain why? Because we live in a world where we depend on what other people will do in order for us to get to where we want to get to... and each person was given the power to go ahead and make up their own minds, therefore we have this being that knows exactly whats going to happen if we turn left and everyone else involved in that path does exactly what they are supposed to but that also gave every person involved a choice of either following that guidance, that little voice inside, or not... so then yeah I turn left like I am supposed to but the other person turned right like they were not supposed to and then boom!!! things change.
But do they really change that much? I mean can a small decision impact our lives in a way that it take us ten times longer to get where we want to get to? I think sometimes it does, and other times you just get lucky and everyone follows the pattern that they were supposed to follow and it's all a smooth ride.
So what is this God being that a lot of people believe in? He is a guide or she, depending on the religious dogma you have decided to follow.  He is not the one controlling everything, but rather the one that can see further than we can, because let's face it we can only see so far into our near future, we can make many plans and most if not all might end up falling apart or being changed tremendously before we even get done planning....
Perfect example would be when we were in high school, 12th grade, we were asked where we saw ourselves in 5 years... while there are very fortunate people that got where they wanted to get in 5 years, the majority of us when we look back we realize that we would have never imagined everything that has happened to us in the past 5 years, and how we are no where near where we wanted to be but if we are lucky enough we will find that no matter what happened each day we are just happier than the last... And yes we all have those bad days but each day we have grown and that has taken us one step closer to wherever it is we wanted to be.  And while none of us could have possibly imagined everything that has happened to us, we could not have ever seen any of it coming, I think God did, he knows the outcome of every step we take, but he is not controlling us and making us take it, he gives us choices, because even he knows that a human being is something that cannot be controlled.  But he does see, he sees whats behind the building that you are approaching even though all you are able to see is that building in front of you, he knows when someone will not follow his guidance and will just follow the logic, and in all that chaos that we create, he is still able to guide us to get back on the right path, and he is still able to help us clean up whatever mess we have made.  But not once does ever try to control us.  He is our guide dog in a world full of blind people, and if we listen carefully we can avoid a bad collision.

Colors

So here I was doing a word search puzzle, the title of it was "COLORS", it's interesting how much you can learn from a word search; I have found many words that I did not even know existed, today I have found what to me are the 6 most ridiculous color names.

1. Ashy... Really? Ashy? What the hell is the color ashy? I had to go and look this up cause it seriously does not even sound like a word to me and maybe that's because English is not really my first language but seriously ashy? Well, it turns out it is a damn color and maybe because I am a woman I should know what color that is well... no I seriously don't, I know shades and I will go with this is a different shade of red, or green, or brown, but I had no idea that each shade had a color name... so ashy, that color is apparently a pale grayish color.

2. Drab... drab is a dull light brown, apparently called drab because of a fabric that is made of that color, now again, this to me would just be a different shade of brown... in essence light brown... The more I think about this the more I realize how much easier it is to just generalize these colors, I feel bad for anyone that actually has to memorize them, the general population does not really know all these names and whoever does know them in order to use them they will actually have to be able to describe them....

3. Dun, this one is another shade of brown, mostly used to describe apparently the color of a kind of horse or a horse that has a particular gene called the dun gene... very interesting... again just another shade of brown with a new name...

4. Jet, this one is a shade of black... which is puzzling because to me black is black and there is not really shades of it, if you start giving me "shades of black" the black actually starts looking more like a dark shade of gray, but hey I did not invent all these color names...

5. Gilt, this is another name for gold, very straightforward since this is also use as the past tense of the word gild which means to coat with gold... however when did we start using verbs to describe colors? I guess some colors have more than one name, because gilt and gold are basically the same thing, there is not even a shade of difference based on what I've research so far...

6. Last but not least, and possibly the worst one of all... Vert! Vert!!! It's a shade of green by the way, no one could come up with anything better than Vert? and the reason I say this is because in Spanish green is verde, so basically all I see is the same word but take out the e and replace the d with a t, and I am pretty sure that vert is a word that might mean green in a different language but here... it's just another shade of green....

So here is the deal... after much thought I have come to the conclusion that human beings make things a lot more complicated than they need to be, I mean if you work with colors and what not, and you have to go ahead and show a specific shade of one color to someone then just show them the shade, now I understand that when you are trying to buy paint to say paint the walls in your house the people that sell the paint need to have a name for the paint you are looking for in which case I would preferably use numbers instead of making up names, and really when you are talking about colors even the shades of color change depending on who sells the paint, so it could have the same name but it will still look like a different shade... But then again that's just me... and maybe it's just my craziness that has me thinking of the ridiculousness of all of this... I mean gilt? really? vert? jet? I see the word jet and I think of a small airplane that maybe one day I will own... or not own depending on what I decide to do with my life...

Also, as a person that likes to paint and create all different things with different shades of colors before I get a whole bunch of creative people on my butt about how to them there are many different colors and they like each of them to have a name... let me tell you something, when I am making something I look at the shades of the colors, I don't look at the name, I look and focus on the particular color, not on its name...

-What's new?

-I don't think you would be interested....

-What makes you say that?

-It just always seems like you are busy with other things, there is always something more interesting than whatever is going on with me, I mean sometimes I even think I am not interesting enough for myself...

Then I start thinking that maybe it's just that I have found myself in a place where the only thing I have to complain about is little stuff that is not even worth mentioning...

Have you ever thought how most times people once they know each other they mostly start talking about what goes wrong in their lives rather than what is positive?

It's so easy to point out every negative thing, but to sit there and actually say hey you know what I have nothing to talk about because I have nothing to complain about... So I did not sleep for 4 days, yes I am tired but I have the power to work as little or as much as I want, I am working for myself and doing things that have a bit of meaning which is great and even though the fear of not making it to the next month, of not having enough money to pay for bills is there, it's not as bad as having to work for people you don't like and listening to other people complain about meaningless things. 

So yeah I have not much to say, and even if I did I don't think it would really matter, most times we are ask what's new or how is it going just out of courtesy for the other person in front of us because really, how many times have you actually wanted to ask that question willingly? I mean do you really care enough about the other person to want to know how they are doing? Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just the fact that I believe most people complain about the most stupid things and because of that I have become extremely detached to those that do just that... and then really when I ask those that I do care about and they tell me what they are going through and I am unable to help I become extremely frustrated, or even worse when I ask what can I do and their answer is nothing and they say it with that "I don't want you doing anything for me because you are not capable of helping me anyway" attitude, that just makes me feel worse so then why the hell would I bother??? The best policy is to just remain silent, after a while and after your willingness to help another is rejected so much, then you just feel like you should just never offer ever again, because obviously you are incapable to do anything for anyone and they obviously are stating they can do it on their own so now go get over your feelings of mediocrity and uselessness that they have just brought upon you... Ohh and by the way how you are feeling is all on you because no one can make you feel any way you don't want to feel.... 

-Wow!!!

-Yes, I know... even though I am extremely quiet, I have a lot in my mind... in fact when I am the quietest is when an extreme amount of thoughts are going through my mind... So much so that again it's better to stay quiet, because if I was ever to put out in the universe everything I was thinking I would never finish, and 99% of the people out there would have absolutely no clue as to what I was talking about, because sometimes even to me, I make no sense... So yeah nothing is new, all is good and the world is great!