My view on the Bird Box movie. (Spoilers)

That Bird Box movie... (Spoilers ahead)

First I want to start by saying that I’m not a fan of horror movies and do not really do well with suspense either.  However, because of all the memes and apparent hype of this movie, I felt oddly prompted to go ahead and watch it.  Fourteen minutes into it and I paused it so I could go read what the movie was about and how it would end (I told you, I am terrible when it comes to suspense, there’s enough of that in my life already).  After watching the whole thing though, I felt that the movie was completely dumb!  I mean, we don’t ever get to see what really was causing some people to commit suicide and others to see these "invisible" monsters as something beautiful.

I went on one of my social media pages and expressed my dislike of the movie.  One of my friends pointed out that the movie is about blinding yourself when it comes to evil things that happen and also to try and not pay attention to bad temptations.  This didn’t quite resonate with me as I don't feel we can just turn a blind eye to the “bad” that happens out there and ignoring temptations can most times make us feel more tempted. Of course I responded to this with guidance from my spirit guides and angels (as I often do) and said that it’s more about fear and making us aware that those things we fear don’t go away just by ignoring them.  We have to have the courage to accept those things we fear so we can finally confront them and hopefully let go of them.

But what exactly is this movie showing that we fear?  I decided to continue to meditate on this and ask Spirit why I was moved by the hype of the movie (which I am not usually moved by).  I really didn’t know what the movie was about other that Sandra Bullock being blindfolded for most of it.  Before I started to watch it I seriously though that Sandra’s character was being kidnapped along with her children and was being forced to wear a blindfold the whole time.  The name of the movie was beyond my comprehension, maybe she was kept in a cage like a bird too or they were looking for a bird box and that is why they were kidnapped. Anyhow... what is this movie showing that we fear and what is it that most people seem to be missing here?  Mental illness!

The entire premise of the movie is that people are affected by some invisible force that makes them commit suicide while it causes others to see it as something beautiful.  Depending on how you look at this movie; you will either feel that this movie stigmatizes mental illness even more OR it tries to help point out that we shouldn’t blind ourselves to it.  That mental illness (more specifically depression) is an invisible force that most of us don’t understand but we should try.  I was divided on this until again my wonderful spirit guides reminded me of the part of the movie where the picture above shows up.

The guy who drew those pictures had survived seeing these invisible monsters.  He saw them as beautiful, even though they are obviously ugly and scary looking.  He came into the house telling a story about how people in a mental institution all survived seeing these monsters, how they all said they were beautiful, and how they wanted everyone else to see them.  I found it interesting that it was those who were already dealing with mental illness the ones who survived seeing the monsters and the ones who were happy to see them while the others would be filled with the desire to end their lives.  The message I got from people with mental illness surviving this was that they were happy that now everyone else could see these monsters.  They saw them as beautiful because now everyone could see them.  For a moment everyone else was able to feel what they feel on a daily basis and most people were not able to survive it.  Those with mental illness survived the invisible monster because they were already living with it.

So what was my message after watching this?  Well for one it made me more aware about how people see mental illness.  How fearful they are of it and how most wouldn’t be able to live with it for long.  It made me realize that those who are continuing to live with mental illness, depression mostly, are way stronger than one can think, stronger than even they think they are.  Even those who have given up and decided to commit suicide; they lived with an illness who most don’t understand, an illness that can’t be seen, and a pain that was endured for far too long.  They’ve dealt with something that most people stigmatize and see as something that they should just be able to "get over."

Don’t get me wrong, i am fully aware that a person has the responsibility to reach out and ask for help.  They have the responsibility to accept the help that’s being offered but I know it makes it harder to accept help when mental illness is so stigmatized.  When a person with mental illness is looked at as someone who is just whining about something they shouldn't be whining about.  I cannot imagine the embarrassment a person feels when they are unable to just do what others tell them and “get over it."  I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to want, need help, and be afraid of asking for it for fear of what others would say about it.  I mean, I still remember being told by domestic violence advocates and family law attorneys that I had to hide from the courts that I was going to therapy for the trauma I had experienced.  I was told that if I shared that I was receiving help to deal with that trauma then the judge would use it against me.  How sad it was that they were not wrong; the outcome of all that was a judge trying to ensure I was put in a situation where I would experience more trauma and wouldn't be able to get any help.

Each of us has at least one person who is suffering in silence and shouldn’t be.  I know I won't stop talking about it, I know I will not stop learning about it.  I know I will not stop speaking up against those who make this issue more controversial than it needs to be.  I wish more people realized that if there came a time when each of us would be hit with the invisible monster of depression, that very few of us would survive it, so maybe we should all be more compassionate about those who suffer from end and those who didn't win the battle against it.  It is time we stop fearing mental illness, learned more about it, and open up the conversation on it.

Randomness

I was sitting here thinking: "One should not spend money they have not yet acquired or spend all the money they have acquired."  That is the problem America has, we are a nation of spenders; every penny we get paid we spend.  We worked all our lives to pay for things and then when the time came to retire we had nothing to live on, so what did we do? We cried out and said: "Government help us." What did the government do? They created Social Security and said well we are going to take money off your paycheck and save it for when you retire because you are not capable of doing that on your own. 

Then the years passed and the plan proved to be flawed, there were not enough money being taken out of one person's paycheck in order to provide for that person's retirement, and people were living longer than government thought they would live.  Now, Social Security is not solvent and my generation will probably not get to ever use it.  Whose fault is that though?

 

Partly is our fault, our society is bred to be spenders.  We live off the idea that we can always get a new credit card, charge what we want and pay it later.  We believe that eventually we are going to make more money and then when we make more money we spend more money.  As I was sitting here thinking why in the hell do we do that? And all I could come up was because we are unhappy. 

It is a human condition to get rewarded for things we don't want to do, we go on a diet and after one week of eating only herbs we say: "Well I have been good this week, let me buy me an ice cream."  It is something that comes from many many generations ago, we clean our rooms because our parents promise that we will get something in return, the reward for stopping what we were doing (having fun) and doing something we do not like. 

And then as we grow older we are marked by our parents telling us how we have to make a living.  A child comes with a dream they have, they want to be an artist and the parent will feed that dream until the child reaches a certain age and then the parent will say: "You are too old for that, you need to think about how you are going to make a living.  You cannot make a living by being an artist."  This gets repeated so much that eventually the child ends up going to college (something they did not want to do) and studying something they did not want to study, and then getting a job they did not want to get. 

The child, now an adult, was conditioned to go and work at a job they will never enjoy but that "pays well."  So they go to work every day, they are miserable because they don't enjoy what they do, at the end of the work day or the work week they go home in all their misery to find something that will make them feel better.  Video games, alcohol, drugs, shopping, food... Anything that will reward them for doing something they did not like to do. 

And so there goes the money they make, they believe that they deserve to buy the video games, the alcohol, the drugs, the food, because they did something that was draining and that they did not enjoy.  Every few months they have to take a break from their jobs because "they deserve it", "they've earned it", they have worked so hard for so many months that now it is time to spend money on a vacation.  But wait!  They are still paying off the last vacation that they took, and then what? Well the credit card is almost paid off so we can use it again right now.  Then we will get back to our miserable jobs and complain about having to pay them off.

After this I was thinking: "what if the reason we have so many depressed people and angry people wanting to kill others all the time was that we are all so miserable because we are conditioned to do things that we completely dislike?"

Could you imagine a world where the child is never told that they should just make sure they go work at something that will pay them enough to live and instead we tell them to go follow their passion and put focus on that.  Tell them that yes it will be hard work but that it is something they can do.  Teach them that hard work is not despised when it is something we love to do. 

Then probably we would have less alcoholics, less drug addicts, less angry, depressed, and violent people around.  Because they would be focus on doing something they love to do and not something they have to do in order to survive and then maybe all these different things they spend money on would never be an issue, that extra money could be put away for retirement.  It could be put away to pay off a house so you do not have to worry about paying rent when you are no longer able to work.  It could be invested and made more rather than just spent.  People could even help each other more rather than compete with each other so much. 

Maybe if we learned how to be and remain happy and full of joy then we would not cry and cling for the help of the very people who thrive and advance their lives by making sure we continue to have the same problems. 

FedEx fucking sucks, when incompetence goes way too far...

I seriously can't make this up, after today I am seriously questioning how the fuck is a company like FedEx still in fucking business!!!
A package was ordered on April 3rd, 2015.  Said package was expected to arrive on April 8th, 2015 by 10:30am.  The arrival time was very specific, usually with carriers you see that the time of delivery is by the end of the day on a particular date. This morning I decided to check the FeDex website to see where the package was and if it was in fact on route to my house.  Their tracking system showed the package in Memphis, TN.  The package's final destination is Charlotte, NC.
I went ahead and I called FedEx and asked them where the package was, the response I got from their international department (package was coming from China) was that there were issues with customs and customs did not release the package on time, but now the package was released from customs and it was in a warehouse in Tennessee waiting to be transferred to cargo so that it could be shipped to Charlotte.
I asked when it was released from customs and the lady said it was released yesterday at 5pm.  I told her ok so it would be in cargo sometime this morning and it should be here tomorrow, she said yes it should be there tomorrow.  I said can you assure me that my package is going to be here tomorrow, she said well I cannot assure you of that because anything can happen and then she added: "the plane might not work and that might delay your package even more."
I said: So, you are telling me that the plane might not work and you don't have a different one that you can put the package on? She said: well, the package is waiting to be transferred to cargo so that it can be shipped to the final destination.  I said: Why is it just sitting there waiting? It was supposed to be express delivered and it's not like customs has it so it should be on its way to my house right now.
She had no answer for me other than no one should have promised the package today since anything can happen with the cargo and the plane might not work so the package would have been delayed even more.
I seriously cannot make this up and this is not where the story ends.  The tracking on the FedEx website says the package is in transit to Japan. So I called them again this afternoon.  The lady that answered me in the international customer service department said: Your package seems to be having issues with customs, and it is still in China.  I said: the lady that I spoke to at 9am this morning said that the package was in Memphis and that customs had released said package so it was just waiting on a warehouse to be transferred to cargo and it would be shipped to me so long as the airplane was working.  Cause I am guessing FedEx, only has one fucking cargo airplane that flies from TN to NC.
The lady said ohh no, it looks like your packages are in Anchorage, AK you are expecting two packages right? I said: No, I am expecting only one! She says: Ohh yes yes, it is in Anchorage and the representative you spoke to earlier should have started a trace  to see where the package is, that is when I told her that since the representative that I spoke with in the morning did not do her job and she seemed to have no idea what the hell was going on, to transfer me to a supervisor.
Exact wordings she used after I said that: "It seems like a trace for this package should have been opened this morning and since that did not happen this issue will have to be escalated to a supervisor, would you like me to transfer you to one?"
This is the part where you want to be able to reach through the damn phone and start strangling some sense into people... Finally I get the supervisor on the line, and the supervisor says to me: It looks like your packages are on their way to China from Japan, you are expecting two packages correct? I said: no, it is only one! He tried to fix that whole situation and said: ohh yes yes I was reading wrong, but your package is on its way to China from Japan.  I had to ask how the fucking hell did my package get to Japan, I mean one thing would have been for them to have accidentally sent it back to China right but the package had been in Memphis, then in Anchorage and then in Memphis again and from Memphis the package was sent to Japan, and now there was no estimated delivery time.
I don't know which one was the idiot that said it but at some point I heard: Well, the good news is that it did make it to the USA! Well, you fucking morons!!!! That it made it to the USA helps me fucking none because the package is no where in the USA...
Supervisor said he was going to finally open the trace and investigate where the package was so that I could get an estimated time of arrival, and that someone will be contacting me within 2 hours to let me know what is going on.
I got a call 45 minutes later and it seems like the more you fucking move up the chain of command of the Federal Express corporation the more incompetent they seem to get.  I asked where was my package, yet again... Ma'am your package is in China.  It somehow went to Japan and then back to China.  I said: are you going to tell me when the package will arrive here, cause it is not supposed to be in China, and could you explain to me how the package came to Memphis, and then went to Anchorage and went from Anchorage to Memphis and from Memphis it went to Japan and from Japan you are telling me that now China has it?  She said yes, it seems to have been human error and there is not much we can do about that.  I said so my package is in China now, she said: well we are waiting for China to open so that we can ask where the package is.  So you really don't know where my package is and you are telling me that you've lost it due to human error. She immediately tried to rephrase that, of course I did not let her.
So here is the bottom line:

1. A package was ordered, said package was being shipped from China to Charlotte, NC.
2. Said package made it from China to Memphis, TN in one day, the tracking of it (picture attached to this post) states that customs released the package.
3.  Package was then sent to Anchorage, AK. For those that do not know geography (like some of the people that work for FedEx), Anchorage, AK is on the opposite side of Charlotte, NC.
4. From there, the package was sent back to Memphis, TN to be shipped over to Japan.
5. From Japan it appears to be in transit to China and now we have to wait for China to open (because I guess China is close for business at the moment, even though it was 7am in China when I got the call from FedEx) in order to find if the package is actually there.
6. At this point, FedEx does not want to state that the package is actually fucking lost and they don't have the slightest fucking idea as to where the darn package is.
7.  For a company that only focuses on delivering packages all over the fucking world saying that this is fucking human error and counting it as just one fucking human error not the 4 different errors made while handling said package is beyond fucking unbelievable!!! This is not human error, this is fucking incompetence! Specially when handling a package that has a priority tag attached to it.  The damn post office does a better job than FedEx!!! That is saying something!!!!
9. The excuse that the airplane might not work and therefore it would delay my package a day or two, went out the fucking window when their tracking system states that the package had travel from one end of the country to another and then traveled to a different continent where it was not supposed to ever be in the first place, only to travel back to the original place... Looks like their fucking airplane (because it appears that they only have one) is working perfectly fine!
8. We have to give them credit for something, I mean they were even proud of the fact that the package had made it to the United States at some point, congratu-fucking-lations!!!

For such a huge company to have this mishaps happen so fucking often, is beyond unacceptable, they charge an extreme amount of money to deliver packages and they cannot even do their job right... This is not the first time this happens either, a while ago I had a package that was paid to be delivered on Saturday and said package was sent out within the United States and it was not even a great distance that the package was supposed to travel... Said package was delivered Monday afternoon, not even Monday first thing in the morning... Monday afternoon!!!!  That is the level of incompetence that this company has and in all this mess they cannot even admit the fact that they screwed up and they did it big time!!! All they can say is sorry for the inconvenience, you will receive your package soon... and what the hell do they mean by soon? Well apparently it means whenever the fuck they find it...

And Justice For All

Oh the legal system in the United States... We think of this country as one that is the most just but the reality is that it is not.  When it comes to family matters, the United States legal system is anything but... the law in every state suggests that when looking into family matters a judge should always think about the best interest of the child.  But what is the best interest of the child?
Each child is different and every person is different; when a case goes in front of a judge, the judge assumes based on presumptions that every child is the same and then makes a decision based on that assumption.  The judge also makes an assumption that because two parents show up to court they are both equally interested in the well being of the child.  Then we have this whole: get dressed for court... Another assumption is made here, dress nicely otherwise you are going to look like a crazy in front of the judge and well, more than likely the judge will prefer the other person.
Then we have the time a judge spends hearing arguments, sometimes it is just 15 minutes, sometimes less.  How can you possibly make a good decision based on that small amount of time? It's simply not possible.  What about those who are not able to afford an attorney that knows the law? Parties that go in front of a judge on their own, and do not really know their rights, or what they need or do not need to say.  The best interest of the child is rarely looked into in that case, no one is allowed to state what the child is feeling or explain the child's nature.  The presumption that a child is resilient and that they will eventually be fine no matter what situation you put them through is always there.
Then what about those that come in with attorneys and are in front of a judge and suddenly the judge says you better reach an agreement or I will have to.  Then attorneys go back behind the scenes and they use the "this is what the judge will do and you don't want that, so you better" in order to make the parties compromise into something that is more than likely not the best situation and definitely not in the best interest of the child, it's all merely legal bullying because even after being told to look at the benefit of the child and the child's emotions are put first, that is never the case, the child's emotions never come up in the discussion. 
Let me put it in a better way, there are two parents, one that has been gone for the entire life of the child and suddenly decides that they want to go ahead and be around.  They want to be call mom or dad, and they want to come into the child's life from one day to the next without easing themselves into being around them and getting to know them.  Their name on a piece of paper grants them legal right to do that it appears and because the basis of this system is still set up under the presumption that a child needs two parents in order to thrive, well we go ahead and grant the request.  A judge assumes that unless said parent is violent or has a psychological condition that is obvious to the world well the parent should be around. 
It never matters that the child has been happy and stable for their entire life, it only matters that someone that left and has never been around the child now comes in and says this is what I want and so it is granted because I have a right, a right that should not be called a right but a privilege.  The best interest of the child in a case like that would be to force the other parent to ease themselves into the child's life.  This is when we are faced with another presumption that judges make: if the case reaches their hands then it means the two people hate each other, that's why they cannot agree.  The judge never hears what went on and what each person was offering the other before they came in front of them, if they are there it means they hate each other.
We all proud ourselves in saying that we must protect children, they are the future of our country.  We assume that the law is there to do this for the children, but the truth is that the law is only there to serve the adults.  The children's feelings are never taken into consideration, it is hear say.  The children's stability and home environment being disrupted is not a big deal because hey! They are resilient and it is thought better for them to have two parents and not just one.  The law never looks at the rights of the children, they look at the wants of the adults and if one adult is wanting to speak up for the children, the adult is not allowed to do so because hey! That adult is related to the children therefore they want what they want for them not for the children.
The system is so flawed that we have put children to be with parents who are abusive and neglectful.  We send these children with a parent thinking that because they are related to the child by blood they will protect and care for the child.  This is how we put children in situations that they should never be put in, but that is the system and it will take a lot to change it.  Maybe it will be the new generations that will actually change this for the better.  The new generation that will shed light into the fact that a child does not necessarily need two parents, that if a child has not known anything different than having one parent in the house then it is not in the best interest of the child to suddenly force the child to be around someone they do not know.
The system we have put in place to protect children does not protect them, it rarely does.  It is a system that uses the word right when it should use the word privilege.  It is a privilege to be a parent not a right, and as such a parent should not be allowed to walk in and out of a child's life however they please.  There should be a limit to how many times a drug addict gets their children back, a limit of how many times a convicted felon gets a child back.  How many times must we send back and forth a child to an abusive or neglectful parent before we understand that at that point we are putting the rights and wants of the adult before the rights of the child.
In order for this system to work we have to move it forward from the thinking of our ancestors.  We have to have people who actually take their time making decisions for children and that make an effort to not just look at what the adults want but that actually look at the best interest of the child.  The best interest of a child is to life in a stable environment, happy and thriving, not to be put in a situation that they don't want to be put.  Every case should have a third party present, one that has looked into the child's life and that can speak objectively for the rights of the child, especially being that a judge assumes that two people hate each other and that's why they are in front of them, and if that is the case then send them to counseling.  It will not just help the child but it will help them.  Then look at the track record, if a person has not been in the life of a child and suddenly out of the blue wants to, what are the reasons behind it? Why now and not years ago? Has there really been a change, make it hard on them to get what they ask.  We make it too easy and there is not many people that are out there willing to change the system to truly protect the children.
We spend so much money protecting people that do not deserve protection, making sure that those who have broken the law are treated "fairly".  But when it comes to children, the future of this country, the people we can shape into good citizens, we do very little for.  Then when they turn into criminals we wonder what we did wrong.  It is like that throughout the country and it is a damn shame.  Maybe one day things will change and we will stop seeing news of children being abused and neglected by the same parents that the system sends them back to. Maybe one day we will have people on the bench that are not so closed up and caught up in an old way of thinking, one that does not work anymore.  Maybe one day we will truly see a just system, one where in every case the child's rights and feelings are truly taken into consideration.  Until then, I guess we just need to settle for a sub-part system; the one where convicted felons get a slap in the wrist only because we don't have the money to give them a nice well ventilated and lit cell with three meals a day.  The punishment that for most is not a punishment, they seem to actually not mind it and that is why they keep on committing crimes.  The system where children are constantly sent to abusive and neglectful parents or parents that really could care less about them and are only around because of some other ulterior motive.  Maybe one day we will see justice for all and not just for some.  And maybe one day we will actually truly protect the lives of children and not just pretend that we are doing it.

Teachers...

I don't even know where to begin so I guess I should begin by stating that I was raised by who I believe to be the best teachers I have yet to meet.  With that said... I don't know why but I have always had some issue with at least one teacher, most times the issue is them treating every single student like they are all the same, they all learn the same way and they all do things the exact same way.  The problem I have is that the reality is that not everyone is the same and this false idea of equality does not go well with me.  Some students are more intelligent than others, there are some students that are extremely dumb, and others that no matter what you do, you just can't teach them anything. 

Yesterday I had one teacher piss me off to no end, it probably did not help that I am sick and it's hard for me to tolerate her when I am healthy, it's even harder to tolerate her when I am sick.  Wednesday I left her class early stating: I don't feel well, I have to go.  Yesterday, I got my quiz back with a long ass note stating: You owe me an explanation because you cannot just leave class telling me that you don't feel well and that's it. 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Then yesterday she decided that even though everyone else was on their laptops and she had no idea what the hell they were looking at, I was going to be the one that she would say: put down your phone because you are distracting everyone...

She got a really long e-mail today, nicely stating what I wish I could have add a few curse words because the reality is that she pissed me off!!!! 

1.  She is fucking teaching a college class not fucking grade school, adults go to college, I am an adult and there is nothing that states that I have to give anyone an explanation for leaving class early, arriving late or not coming at all.  If there is an attendance policy then it is my fucking responsibility to show up to class and if I don't then I take whatever grade I get because hell, I did not do everything that was expected. 

2. "I don't feel well, I have to go" is explanation enough, add to that the fact that I barely had a voice which added to the statement of how terrible I was feeling. 

3. If she is stupid enough to not realize the obvious or she is too into her own damn world that she cannot perceive how sick I was when everyone else was perceiving it.... Well that is not my fucking problem, it is hers! Now, if she has some sort of disability that does not allow her ass to perceive things like other people do then my fucking apologies, I did not know you had a disability but now that I do I will do my best... But still you are not getting a fucking explanation other than: I don't feel well, I have to go. Now if it is that she does not care about me being sick, well I understand that because the reality is that it is none of her goddamn business!!!

4. If the little 18 year-olds in the class are distracted by my looking down at my phone then they have a fucking serious problem.  Life is fucking full of distractions and if someone looking down at their phone is distracting them from doing their work while they are also looking at their damn computer... Well let me tell you something, reality check! you are not going to go anywhere in life if you get distracted by such little things. 

5. The truth is that the only one that was distracted was the fucking teacher, why? Because she has an intense need of attention, she cannot bear anyone not looking directly at her at all times, so she did not like me looking at my god damn phone and when I told her why I was looking at it she decided to tell me it was not her fault (which no one was telling her it was) and that I needed to tell her this before class... Yet again, NO NO NO and fucking NO!!!! I don't have to fucking tell you my whole life story, it is none of your god damn business!!! I am an adult and if I am looking down at my phone there is good reason for it. 

6. How fucking dare you say anything to one of the very few fucking people in your class that walks in there and gets an A in every single test she gives out... Because as I stated to her, this class is just a fucking refresher for me, I already know what she is teaching and I don't even have to open the damn book nor do I ever have to study for it, so another reality, she is pretty damn useless to me because she is really not teaching me anything... (ok, maybe she is teaching me a valuable life lesson of being tolerant to fucktards, but that is another story). 

With all that said to her, without the curse words, I ended my email by letting her know that I don't tolerate her, so I will be happy to drop off my homework for next class if there is any and I will see her for my final exam and then I hope to never fucking see her again... To which she replied: Please schedule a time to meet with me and then proceeded to give me her office hours... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? Which fucking part of: I DO NOT TOLERATE YOU! Do you not fucking understand? 

And so I have said my peace, and spent an extreme amount of time trying to nicely tell a fucktard to just FUCK OFF!!! I don't fucking like you and I don't owe you an explanation for getting out of a class early because I was sick! In fact, the I don't feel well, I gotta go was way too fucking much!