Oh the legal system in the United States... We think of this country as one that is the most just but the reality is that it is not. When it comes to family matters, the United States legal system is anything but... the law in every state suggests that when looking into family matters a judge should always think about the best interest of the child. But what is the best interest of the child?
Each child is different and every person is different; when a case goes in front of a judge, the judge assumes based on presumptions that every child is the same and then makes a decision based on that assumption. The judge also makes an assumption that because two parents show up to court they are both equally interested in the well being of the child. Then we have this whole: get dressed for court... Another assumption is made here, dress nicely otherwise you are going to look like a crazy in front of the judge and well, more than likely the judge will prefer the other person.
Then we have the time a judge spends hearing arguments, sometimes it is just 15 minutes, sometimes less. How can you possibly make a good decision based on that small amount of time? It's simply not possible. What about those who are not able to afford an attorney that knows the law? Parties that go in front of a judge on their own, and do not really know their rights, or what they need or do not need to say. The best interest of the child is rarely looked into in that case, no one is allowed to state what the child is feeling or explain the child's nature. The presumption that a child is resilient and that they will eventually be fine no matter what situation you put them through is always there.
Then what about those that come in with attorneys and are in front of a judge and suddenly the judge says you better reach an agreement or I will have to. Then attorneys go back behind the scenes and they use the "this is what the judge will do and you don't want that, so you better" in order to make the parties compromise into something that is more than likely not the best situation and definitely not in the best interest of the child, it's all merely legal bullying because even after being told to look at the benefit of the child and the child's emotions are put first, that is never the case, the child's emotions never come up in the discussion.
Let me put it in a better way, there are two parents, one that has been gone for the entire life of the child and suddenly decides that they want to go ahead and be around. They want to be call mom or dad, and they want to come into the child's life from one day to the next without easing themselves into being around them and getting to know them. Their name on a piece of paper grants them legal right to do that it appears and because the basis of this system is still set up under the presumption that a child needs two parents in order to thrive, well we go ahead and grant the request. A judge assumes that unless said parent is violent or has a psychological condition that is obvious to the world well the parent should be around.
It never matters that the child has been happy and stable for their entire life, it only matters that someone that left and has never been around the child now comes in and says this is what I want and so it is granted because I have a right, a right that should not be called a right but a privilege. The best interest of the child in a case like that would be to force the other parent to ease themselves into the child's life. This is when we are faced with another presumption that judges make: if the case reaches their hands then it means the two people hate each other, that's why they cannot agree. The judge never hears what went on and what each person was offering the other before they came in front of them, if they are there it means they hate each other.
We all proud ourselves in saying that we must protect children, they are the future of our country. We assume that the law is there to do this for the children, but the truth is that the law is only there to serve the adults. The children's feelings are never taken into consideration, it is hear say. The children's stability and home environment being disrupted is not a big deal because hey! They are resilient and it is thought better for them to have two parents and not just one. The law never looks at the rights of the children, they look at the wants of the adults and if one adult is wanting to speak up for the children, the adult is not allowed to do so because hey! That adult is related to the children therefore they want what they want for them not for the children.
The system is so flawed that we have put children to be with parents who are abusive and neglectful. We send these children with a parent thinking that because they are related to the child by blood they will protect and care for the child. This is how we put children in situations that they should never be put in, but that is the system and it will take a lot to change it. Maybe it will be the new generations that will actually change this for the better. The new generation that will shed light into the fact that a child does not necessarily need two parents, that if a child has not known anything different than having one parent in the house then it is not in the best interest of the child to suddenly force the child to be around someone they do not know.
The system we have put in place to protect children does not protect them, it rarely does. It is a system that uses the word right when it should use the word privilege. It is a privilege to be a parent not a right, and as such a parent should not be allowed to walk in and out of a child's life however they please. There should be a limit to how many times a drug addict gets their children back, a limit of how many times a convicted felon gets a child back. How many times must we send back and forth a child to an abusive or neglectful parent before we understand that at that point we are putting the rights and wants of the adult before the rights of the child.
In order for this system to work we have to move it forward from the thinking of our ancestors. We have to have people who actually take their time making decisions for children and that make an effort to not just look at what the adults want but that actually look at the best interest of the child. The best interest of a child is to life in a stable environment, happy and thriving, not to be put in a situation that they don't want to be put. Every case should have a third party present, one that has looked into the child's life and that can speak objectively for the rights of the child, especially being that a judge assumes that two people hate each other and that's why they are in front of them, and if that is the case then send them to counseling. It will not just help the child but it will help them. Then look at the track record, if a person has not been in the life of a child and suddenly out of the blue wants to, what are the reasons behind it? Why now and not years ago? Has there really been a change, make it hard on them to get what they ask. We make it too easy and there is not many people that are out there willing to change the system to truly protect the children.
We spend so much money protecting people that do not deserve protection, making sure that those who have broken the law are treated "fairly". But when it comes to children, the future of this country, the people we can shape into good citizens, we do very little for. Then when they turn into criminals we wonder what we did wrong. It is like that throughout the country and it is a damn shame. Maybe one day things will change and we will stop seeing news of children being abused and neglected by the same parents that the system sends them back to. Maybe one day we will have people on the bench that are not so closed up and caught up in an old way of thinking, one that does not work anymore. Maybe one day we will truly see a just system, one where in every case the child's rights and feelings are truly taken into consideration. Until then, I guess we just need to settle for a sub-part system; the one where convicted felons get a slap in the wrist only because we don't have the money to give them a nice well ventilated and lit cell with three meals a day. The punishment that for most is not a punishment, they seem to actually not mind it and that is why they keep on committing crimes. The system where children are constantly sent to abusive and neglectful parents or parents that really could care less about them and are only around because of some other ulterior motive. Maybe one day we will see justice for all and not just for some. And maybe one day we will actually truly protect the lives of children and not just pretend that we are doing it.
