Technology

Random thought of the day....
I woke up thinking to myself how technology has changed in the past few years and how it has accomplished one wonderful gift I wouldn't want to give up, it has given us all the ability to connect with everyone so easily.  I mean just 10 years ago I was not able to speak to my grandmother who lives in Ecuador every week, sometimes I would only be able to speak to her once a month, now thanks to the wonderful gift of technology I can actually talk to her every single day...
My mother who also lives in Ecuador was not able to speak to me or reach me easily, I mean if an email was sent to me just maybe 5 years ago, she would have to wait for me to go ahead and get to my computer and log into my email account and wait for my answer and then she would have to find a computer and do the same... now thanks to the wonderful invention of whats app, she can just send me quick text and there I am (unless I am sleeping, cause then my phone is off and no one can reach me).
Same thing with my cousin, thanks to iMessage and FaceTime we are able to talk to each other at any time without having to pay extreme amounts of money for that one call or texts....
We are all now able to share pictures in an instant with someone else, we are able to share more with others that are not right there with us... But all of this has also come with a big drawback, those that are closer, the ones we spend the most times with and are not too far away, the ones we can personally speak to, they have also gotten so hooked on technology that now a days if you go out with a group of friends everyone is looking down at their phones while also trying to have a conversation with the people that are with them.
Technology not only has allowed us to become closer to those who are far away but it has also made us become more impersonal! So much so that if you were to ever check the minutes used on your cell phone plan you would realize that the unlimited minute plan that you have is just a waste of money because probably you don't use more than 400 minutes a month total... it's kind of sad... then you look at your text message count and it's just an insane amount of texts!!! Lately people even fight over text messaging... which thinking about it today I was like how stupid that is!!! I mean first of all one is typing out one thing and the other person is typing out at the same time and neither really takes a break and both texts get sent out at the same time and then you are trying to read the text that the other person wrote and they are trying to read your text but at the same time neither of you were done typing so then you start typing a new text and neither one of you really gets the point across because there were messages missing or you read the messages so fast that you missed out on something they said that was important to the argument or even the conversation and then it creates a misunderstanding and an even bigger argument....
Or my favorite one... you type out a message and the other person's carrier only send a certain amount of characters and your message is too long so the carriers have to split the message in order for it to actually get to the other person, and then the other person gets like 3 different texts, not in the correct order or vice-versa and you have to figure out what the hell the other person was trying to convey and end up spending more time trying to piece the message back together, which I don't know about you but to me that just frustrates me to no end!!!!
So let's keep this one going... (yes I have a lot to say about this topic, I think I have written a post about my love/hate relationship with technology once) Anyhow, have you ever stopped and thought about how much you have missed because of this wonderful thing called technology? Our insane need to keep in "touch" and to be in constant communication with everyone has made it so that even when you are taking a car ride or a bus ride you are not even looking at whats around you anymore, all you are doing is looking down at your phone and you miss the little things that make life so wonderful! You miss out on the little things that most of us call miracles and the magic that is out there!!!!
How many of us have stopped hearing the birds chirp in the morning? I realized a few days ago that I had forgotten of their existence! the birds are always out there, they are always chirping in the morning, right around 6am they come out and chirp, and what a beautiful sound that is, what a magical moment it is to wake up to that sound, but because I have always been so busy turning on my phone and reading my emails that I have gotten in the middle of the night or after I had turned of my phone and turned in for the night or reading the text messages that were sent to me while the phone was off, reading notifications from all kinds of social media sites and then taking the time to answer them, I had not realize of the existence of those little birds that chirp happily in the morning... I had completely forgotten about them... So then when I realized this I started not checking my phone so quickly, I now get up and hear them chirp, I take a shower, I don't answer anything until I am ready and have eaten and my baby girl is ready to get out the door and I take my damn time even if it means just taking a couple of minutes to contemplate whatever day we are given, whether it is a cloudy day, or a day full of sunshine, but just contemplate it and try to find the beauty in it that always exists....
Is it easy to do? No, it's not, I have to admit that I was at some point addicted to being in constant contact with people, I had to have a conversation with someone and I could not have quiet, but there was a point when it all became overwhelming and I had no idea what was the overwhelming part, today I realized that being in constant communication with the entire world was the overwhelming part.
I realized that while I have gained closeness with some people that are far away and that I miss dearly, I have also become less personal with those that are around me, that I had started to take for granted the company of a friend and a good face to face conversation or just hanging out and watching a movie because everyone else wanted attention all at the same time, so in the end I started to feel like I was missing out more on the little moments... the little memories that I was creating became me behind the camera of my phone taking pictures in order to share every single moment with everyone I wanted to be there and then I realized how much I was missing out on because even though everyone else was not there to see it, I was and all I was doing was seeing it through a damn camera!
Now I know that at some point I might end up falling back into the same old thing and will go back to overwhelming myself by trying to keep up with one too many conversations and trying to capture one too many moments that are best captured in our minds, at the end of it all we are not gonna take the pictures we took with our cameras with us, I would like to think though that the memories we have created with others are the ones that are gonna go through our heads right before the light of life shuts off on us.
And if we want to even be more magical, maybe we go to a place that is all about our good moments, the times we laughed and spent with those we loved, not the times we fought and if all we have is a memory of being in front of a computer or a phone trying to have a philosophical argument or conversation that gets lost at some point because of missing words that we did not get to read or read wrong because we were truly rushing through it... and if you don't believe me, have you ever re-read a conversation you had with someone over text message or an argument after you have had it? I have and it rarely makes any sense... and sometimes there are parts where I go like OMG I totally missed that and my answer made no sense after that...
So anyway... what a wonderful gift and curse technology is, and with the advancement of it I am sure more wonder will come but also I am afraid we are all going to start to become more impersonal to the point where we might not even want to have a face to face conversation anymore because it will be awkward and hopefully that does not really happen but it has already started to happen and I don't think we are fully aware of it, that because it is easier to type out a message and send it, than have that person in front of you and you telling them exactly what you want to say while they see the true expressions of your face, the courage to let another person see the expression on your face while you say important things or even hear the tone of your voice when you are expressing them, we are all losing that courage because the expressions of our faces will never lie, the tone of our voice will never lie, but that can never be express through a text or through an email, you will never be able to get the other person to truly believe how much they mean to you or how angry you really are at the moment, or even the level of sadness or disappointment you are feeling, there are no texts that could possibly ever express true emotion, not even when you use emoticons (which by the way to me they are more of a fun way of trying to convey a message, I always laugh when I use them, just thinking about them makes me smile... hehe)
Alright, I think I have gone on long enough about this, I hope I am not the only one that feels this way, I believe I am not but I then again I could be wrong ;)

When fear takes over...

What do you do when the world seems to be falling apart right in front of you? What do you do when you are full of fear that something bad is going to happen and that fear just takes over? What do you do when everything seems to no longer be going your way? What do you do when you are put in a situation where you have to behave in a specific way, not the way you want to, where you are forced to keep quiet when all you really want to do is yell out loud your own truth?
I find myself usually drawing away from people and submerging myself in work, distracting myself from absolutely everything, I think I feel like if I am not paying attention to all that is going on around me then it will all eventually go away and at some point I will wake up and it will all be better...
But eventually I run out of things to do and the reality settles in, so then what? I know some people say that it's always good to talk about things with others but I've always been one that works towards resolving the issue rather than just one that talks about it, because what is talking ever going to accomplish? For me talking has only just accomplished getting more frustrated, people jump in and instead of listening they provide their feedback and that gets even more frustrating...
Or there is the usual person (and this happens to me a lot) that says don't worry you will be fine, you always are, they have gotten used to you just doing everything and figuring everything out on your own that they dismiss that at that moment in time you are really not doing well and saying that you will be fine like always does not really help, all it really does is frustrate you even more...
But then what? Do you just stopped talking to everyone you know and if ever someone reaches out to you, then you keep it simple? do you keep it to just what I hate the most the pointless and annoying chitchat one does when you are just trying to be polite or do you just ignore the person? I find it easier to shut off my phone, not go in any social media sites or go in the ones where no one really comments on posts or where if you ever do you end up sometimes having a conversation with a perfect stranger and somehow you end up forgetting about whatever it was that was bothering you just for a little bit.
But then it all comes back and it seems to be even worse when you are tired, it's like you can't really think straight anymore, then you get your head filled with doubts and other worries that were not there before... And really most of which you have absolutely no control over so why worry about it?
But we do, we worry and we end up full of fear about whatever it is that can't really be helped at that moment in time, things that have not yet happened but in your head you are going through all these different scenarios of what could happen and you know very well that none of it makes any sense, you know that even if it was to happen that way then there is absolutely nothing you can really do to prevent it or stop it, it's just all out of your control so why worry?
I think sleep ends up working best at that point, because you end up so tired just from thinking that the at some point the mental and even physical exhaustion from all those nights you were up thinking finally take over and you finally fall flat and end up sleeping, and then after a good night's rest all is well again, you can focus again and have the mental power to keep your emotions under control, then you can go back to smiling like nothing is happening, like there is no emotional war going on in your head...
But it comes to a point where you can't have too many people around anymore, where most people bother you just by their presence, where you are trying so hard to focus on not letting any fears take over and trying to not feel the same way for too long because you know if you do then other things start failing, and so then you can't even get yourself together enough to read or listen to other people, where you see everyone else's problems so small compared to yours, and even though you know that to them is something big all you really want to do is say hello? that's nothing compared to the war I am battling and you should be thankful that that's all you have to deal with, but you have to bite your tongue once again and at some point if you talk too much, if you "socialize" or communicate enough while pretending that all is well the cycle begins again and once more you are back to where you did not want to be....
Which is why I have found it much easier to stay away, maybe it's not the healthiest for most but it seems to be the healthiest for me and I guess that's all that really matters, to be able to somehow find a little bit of peace in the crazy world you have found yourself in or at least find a way to keep the faith that at some point it will be over and that at some point it will really be ok.

When the world seems like it's against you,
when everyone seems to have desert you,
when the little light you saw at the end of the tunnel
and you thought "ohh I am so close" but suddenly it was all dark again
that's the time when we start thinking about those tender moments
the ones we never really asked for but that happened
that hug that was given without being asked by someone special to you
that kiss that was stolen by that same person
the special words that touched you unexpectedly,
thinking of those times when you were with someone and said nothing
but there was nothing needed to say because more was always said by actions
you start thinking about the safe places,
the times when you were little and all you needed was your mom to stroke your hair
then suddenly all the bad things that happened that day would go away
Sometimes we need a moment like those to make us feel just a little better
the world will always be a struggle, no matter what we do, there will always be something
something to fight for, something to struggle towards
it is in those moments when we wish we could go back to those tender moments, just for a little bit, just enough to remember that they do exist
that maybe one day we can have another tender moment
that one day we won't be so busy working towards a goal
working towards making our lives better but that we will actually realize
that it's better to live life, that you cannot purchase someone's true smile
that happiness is not about how much we have but how much we've lived
that the reason we feel like we are struggling is because we want more
and we forget that we are so lucky to have more than what we actually need,
hopefully one day we will realize and hopefully it won't be too late...