Guns and People

I woke up to the horrible news that a guy had gotten into a movie theater, let out a gas bomb and then decided to start shooting people, why? no one knows. It is saddening what happened yesterday, hard to believe that now people can't even go to watch a movie in peace because some whack job might go in and start shooting them, everyone that was inside that theater and their families my heart goes out to you, I can not imagine how you must be feeling at the moment.

What is even more saddening is how many people have started with the blame game, others have started with the judging game, instead of shutting up and just praying or sending positive energy to these people who really need it, instead of being sympathetic people have decided that it is a good time to blame the government, blame the police and judge the parents who were in the movie theater with young children. To those who have decided to judge and play the blame game here is my thoughts on that:

• Guns don't kill people! The rifle and the hand guns that killed and injured the people in the theater were held, pointed, and fired by one individual, a human being; without this human pulling the trigger the guns (which are inanimate objects) would not have harmed anyone. On that note, people will say things like "well if we had more gun control then he would have not been able to get the guns and use them" think again, you can't control a person from doing something they want to do, they will do whatever they feel like doing, most people are worried about the consequences of their actions, people that kill do not care what happens to them, they have no emotion, no sympathy, no feelings at all, therefore the consequences are meaningless to them. We can have as many laws as you want to try and control who buys a gun and who doesn't the truth is that if it was not a gun he would have used something else, all he wanted to do was harm people, no matter how. He was also an honor student with no criminal record, no violent tendencies, so even if we had something in place to try and control more who was able to get a gun and who was not, he would probably be one of the few that would pass the test and would end up being able to get one. It is a sad reality but that is the truth, there are people out there that will always break the law, that will always try to commit a horrible crime, and that don't mind the consequences of their actions.

• After the whole guns kill people debate, what did I see next? Ohh yeah, why would a parent bring a 3 month old to the movie theater, why would a parent bring a 6 year old to a movie theater to watch that movie that a 6 year old should not be watching in the first place and what's worse why bring them at 12 in the morning to a premiere of a movie. Give me a freaking break!!! I would love to know who wrote the laws on how to raise your children, and what you can take them to see or not and at what time you can take them out of the house and at what time you can't. Yes there are certain standards as far as what the responsibilities of a parent is and there are certain standards as to what a parent should not do like neglect their child, hit and abuse their child (this includes psychological abuse) but nothing in those standards say whether a child belongs on a movie theater and at what time or at what age is appropriate. As a parent myself I can say that whenever I watch a movie with my 4 year old I always tell her that it is just a movie, it is not real and therefore she should not expect or act in real life like she sees in the movies. I am confident to say that my daughter knows exactly the difference, she knows Mickey Mouse talks because is the magic of TV and that's it.

I told a friend today that when my daughter was first born I never went out, I stayed home, partly because I never wanted to leave her with anyone, I did not feel confident to leave my child with a stranger, even if they passed background checks, I got a job as a nanny of a ten year old and I was able to take my child with me, I did not make a lot of money but it worked for me because I knew my daughter was well taken care of and no one would do anything to her that she would not be able to tell me. The first time I left my child for one day was when she was 2 years old and she was left with my sister who knew her schedule, knew how I was raising her and followed my instructions. After that time the first time I actually hired someone I did not really know was when she was 3 years old and she had an extensive vocabulary so she was able to tell me if they did something bad to her and she was only left for a couple of hours.

But that is just me, that is how I decided to raise my kid, I decided that worked for me and no matter what as long as a parent is not purposely putting their child in harm's way, then they are being responsible. A 3 month old was probably sleeping throughout the movie until the shots were fired and people started panicking. I can't testify as to why the parent took the baby to a late showing or to that movie even, but I can assure you one thing, every time the parents of the baby that got harmed and those who did not get harmed close their eyes they will think about what happened that night, and they will think blame themselves for going to that movie theater, they will take responsibility for another person's actions and say it was their fault that their baby got harmed because they could have waited another day to go see the movie, I think that is punishment enough for them, they don't need anyone else throwing judgement at them, no one can say to another person that they are not a good parent, there is not such thing as a good parent or a bad parent, the only ones that will decide whether you were a good parent or a bad one are your children, everyone else can put you in two different categories: a responsible parent or an irresponsible one and to me as long as you are not neglecting your children (keeping them up late does not constitute neglect) you are a responsible parent.

So, I hope that we don't forget that what happened today is no one's fault but the person holding and shooting the guns and rifle, I hope that those injured don't blame themselves for what happened, I hope that the Spirit gives them clarity of mind and helps them over come what happened. I hope that they can find peace again and feel safe, I know at the moment many people not only those who were victims of the tragic incident feel unsafe, myself included, but I truly hope that we can all find our way to peace and sanity, not to forget the victims but to forget the fear, to be able to remember that there is still good people out in the universe and the good people are who make a difference in this world and we should all be thankful for them.

I hope we can all be shown that even when tragic things happen there is always a reason for it, we might not understand it at the moment, in fact we might not understand it at all but there is always a reason, the best one is that every time something tragic happens, every time a person dies, especially young people, we are reminded of how we don't know how long we have here in this earth and with our loved ones, so it is a good reminder that we should not fight over petty things, that we should forgive people who have harmed us in the past, that there is no reason to hate others because hate only harm us not anyone else, that in life is the little things that matter is not the money that you take with you is the memories of your life and true happiness is achieve when you have made a difference whether it is with yourself or with others. I hope all of you are reminded of this, that there should not be time spent judging others, everyone has a different way of suffering and living their life, even those who commit crimes, they remind us of what is important, as sad and as tragic as it is, and as angry as it makes us, they do remind us of what good is.

My heart goes out to the family, friends and victims of that horrible tragedy, no one deserves to be hurt, harm, or scared in such way. May the Spirit enlighten your path, made the Spirit heal the wounds that this tragedy has left for many people, and may you all come together setting judgement aside and supporting each other like we Americans usually do, let's remember that there is only one person to blame for what happened, and that he could have picked any where else to do what he did and hope that he does find remorse in his heart and is brought to justice.

Love and Relationships

Love, what is love? there are many meanings people give to that four letter word, most people can't even describe what is love, in reality is just a feeling, but what kind of feeling, how does one really feel when one is in love? how do you know you are in love? how do you know you are with the right person? how do you know you truly love someone and is not just an infatuation, just something of the moment...

I have to say that those are tough questions to answer, I was asked once why I loved someone and all I could say was: I don't know, I just do but I know that it is true because I have no reason to love him, that to me is true love, is a feeling is just there, it does not change if the person changes, it does not matter what the person does, the feeling does not go away is there, just thinking about that person brings joy.  If someone asks me why I love my daughter, I will answer the same way, most people will say hello? she is my child that's why I love her, and I say: just because she is your child it does not mean you have to love her, I mean there are many parents out there that just don't have that feeling for their children even though most never say it but they don't, some because they are selfish, others cause well... they probably have mental issues but these parents do exist.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she was telling me that her partner had told her who she could have as friends on Facebook especially if they were guy, but she was ok with it because she did not allow him to have any girls as friends on there. Boy was I in shock!!! I mean at least to me, I don't know if anyone else out there feels the same way but a relationship is built solely in mutual trust and respect, if you don't trust the person you are with then even if there is a little bit of respect, at some point that will be lost, and if there is no respect even if there is a little bit of trust then that trust will at some point be lost.

Human beings were born to be free; we were not born to live with restrictions and limitations, the restrictions that society has created, which we call laws, are there solely for the purpose of keeping us from doing things to harm one another, because if we all think about it if we were given free reign God knows where we would be. When it comes to relationships though one person does not own the other, two people get together not to form one life but to share the life they each already have. I had a boyfriend with whom I had no common friends, he met this guy through some of his friends, and to this day I do not like the guy, I have my reasons, it created some serious problems between him and me, I did not want him to talk to him about our life, I did not want him to tell him anything about me or our plans, finally I realized that if I could not accept his friend I could not be with him, he had the right to be friends with whomever he wanted to be friends, granted he had met the friend months after we were already dating but I had no right telling him to not talk to him. I used to always say that friends should always come before a boyfriend or a girlfriend, especially if you have known your friend longer than you have your partner, good friends to me are like the brothers or sisters you never had but found along the way to help you or to get in trouble with you, to make memories with, friends end up building part of who you are and if someone has a problem with them then they have a problem with you.

I kept thinking about other things that to me seem completely ridiculous to do, say or even expect from another human being. You expect the other person to not admire anyone else other than yourself, why? admiration does not mean love, admiration does not mean that person is cheating on you, it merely means that person has an opinion.  I love it too when I hear women complain about their boyfriends or husbands looking at another woman, because the woman is attractive or has a nice body, and they get all angry or they get sad about it; I once told a good friend of mine, a guy, that he will know he is truly in love when he can check out a hot girl but then he looks to the girl that he has as his girlfriend and says yeah that other one is hot but she is not her. A guy can look at other girls, maybe is just me but I don't find it disrespectful, I find it that if he does it in front of me he trusts me, I know he will not lie to me, he respects me because even if he does it behind my back I know he is just observing someone that is attractive, it does not mean he is gonna jump into bed with her, but maybe I am wrong because most women get offended by it, there are guys that get offended too.

Back to that whole mutual trust and respect thing, if you are with someone that you feel you have to check on every so often, that you have to talk to every time they are at lunch at work, that you feel like they are doing something wrong all the time, then you are with the wrong person. I can tell you right now that relationship will not last and if it does, both people will be miserable, and they will end up showing it, suddenly you will see a change in attitude, a change in behavior, there will be this sadness in their faces. At the same time, if you are with a person that does that to you then that person is not the right person for you, the right person will not tell you what you can or cannot do, they will not tell you that you need to be faithful because when you are with the right person you will want to be faithful to them, you will want to be just with them, and they will know and you will feel the same way. The right person will not call you every second they have free just to see where you are at or what you are doing, the right person will allow you to be you, they won't try to change anything about you, they accept you just like you are, and if you are with someone that does not then that is the wrong someone.

I told another friend that I believe the universe has one person for you, one that will drive you completely nuts but at the same time will make you smile, a person that, like I said before, will accept you just the way you are and you will accept that person just like they are; I said that person is worth the wait. People always try to figure out why there is so many people getting married and then getting divorced, it has become an epidemic, some say because people can't work out their differences, I believe is because most people just settle. People think that the way to happiness is to find a person, to marry them, buy a house, have children, get a job to pay the bills and that will allow you to do a little bit more like take a vacation every year, and that's it! They forget what they wanted to do when they were younger, they think they are getting too old to try and go after their "silly dreams" they change their major to one that will give them job security and stability, and they forget that all that does not bring any peace to the soul unless is something you really wanted in the first place. I have been lucky enough to learn that lesson early in life.

Most people believe that their dreams have to be forgotten, or set aside in order for that other person to be happy, that's when that big ugly word "compromise" comes into place. It becomes you leave this or forget about this and I will forget about this and that, you will not have this and I will not have that. I will not do this but you can't do that, and the list goes on and on, and every year something gets added to it. What a drag!!! A good relationship is not about giving up things for the other person is about finding a way to share your lives together without having to give up who you truly are, if you have to give up who you are for the another, just so that they will be happy then at some point you will look back and you will not be happy and that in turn will end up making them unhappy.

"I am happy because I have him/her" this statement is another one that is just absolutely wrong or better yet "I will be happy when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" what!!! Your happiness should never ever depend on another person, what a load you are putting on the person that is with you when you say that, it is a heavy load to carry, to be responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for being happy, until you become happy with yourself, you will not be happy with anyone, until you accept yourself you cannot expect anyone to accept you, is that simple! You can not expect to mold a human being to your liking, you can't even do that with your children, how can you possibly expect to do that with an adult? Mold yourself to the person you want to be, be happy with you, and then find someone who is happy with themselves so that they don't bring you down.

Anyway, these were just a few of my thoughts tonight, something I had in my mind, things I have said before but sometimes I have forgotten them myself.  I might not be in a relationship at the moment but I sure have learned a lot from the ones that I have been in. I know that many times I have forgotten who I am, I have put on hold my dreams in order for the other person to achieve theirs, and other times I have completely convinced myself that I wanted to be someone I was not just so that I could have what the world expected me to have: a husband, a house, a car, a job, good credit, and then form a family maybe continue with school, not studying what you are passionate about but studying something that will pay the mortgage, pay the car, daycare, that will allow you to save up for your kids' college education so that then they can follow the same path; what a misery that sounds to me now, don't get me wrong I will make sure my daughter has what she needs and sometimes a little more, but is horrible to think that she has to follow the same things that I did just to make everyone else happy, I just want her to be happy, do whatever she wants to do, study what she wants, I am sure she will figure out how to make money doing what she loves and that will be my greatest accomplishment.

I thank the universe for teaching me that the right person is worth the wait, that true love has no restrictions, that true love is free. For teaching me that a good relationship is built on communication and from then trust and respect are built, if one is missing then the other will be lost. For teaching me that I am happy on my own and with that allowing me to understand that when one is happy with themselves then the day the right person arrives will just be an added bonus. For teaching me that I am not responsible for making someone else happy, if they are not happy alone then I cannot carry the burden of trying to make them happy. And finally I thank the universe for teaching me that I am happier being alone than I would be if I was with the wrong person, for teaching me that I will never be happy if I just settled.

Stupidity

I recently read a book, The Zahir by Paulo Coelho, in this book one of the characters states: "I saw a comedian the other day.  He said that stupid people should have the word 'stupid' written on their identity card,"....."That way, we'd know who we were talking to.".

That statement above got me thinking about another issue that has been going on lately, DirecTV was forced to remove channels like Nickelodeon, MTV, VH1, TVLand, among others.  People are going nuts about this, a lot seem to be so attached to those channels that some have even posted videos on YouTube of their children crying because they cannot watch Sponge Bob, pictures of kids so irritated because Sponge Bob was not on anymore; all I could think about is: how stupid is this? I mean do they realize that there are other channels out there that they can watch other than those channels? Do they realize that there are other things to do than watch TV all day? I wonder if these people ever opened a book. This let me to another discussion, I was speaking about relationships, now I do have to say that I am happily separated and I consider myself single even though I am still legally married but since I have not seen my husband in ages and I have no intention in getting back together with him well... you get the picture. I have always thought that being with another person meant that you shared your life with them, it did not mean that you made one life with that person, that the person was a separate entity, a separate being and therefore that person was always going to be free to do whatever they wanted.  If they wanted to leave, they could; if they wanted to cheat, that was their choice (now it would be my choice if I wanted them in my life after they cheated); they would be responsible for their friends; I figured shoot I don't want a prisoner in my house, I want someone who wants to be with me not because he has to but because he wants to.

I was speaking to a dear friend today who said how she did not allow her partner to have any friends that were girls, so she was not allowed to have any guy friends either and I thought: how ridiculously stupid that is, but to her is not stupid, I guess she likes being controlled in some way or another as long as she can return the favor but who knows?

After all these encounters with that very peculiar and very commonly used word "stupid", I realized I have an entire list of what I think is stupid, according to the dictionary stupid is something that is senseless, that is dull. I reserve the right to update this list at any time,but here is some of what I came up with:

1. Stupid the woman who thinks that by controlling and checking on her husband every 5 minutes she is protecting herself from infidelity.
2. Stupid the man who thinks that by controlling and checking on his wife every 5 minutes he is protecting himself from infidelity.
3. Stupid the parent who thinks he/she is a great parent just because they provide and do what their responsibility as a parent is.
4. Stupid the people who think that by hating someone they are actually harming them in some way.
5. Stupid the people that want everyone to love them, and suffer when they realize not everyone does.
6. Stupid the people that believe their happiness depends on another human being.
7. Stupid the people who think that there is only one path to spirituality and that their path is the only way.
8. Stupid the people that do not realize that we live in a world that is changing every day, and things are not the way they were when they were growing up.
9. Stupid the parent who hits his children and believes that is the only way to teach them that they have done something wrong.
10. Stupid the parent who hits his children for no reason other than because they are unhappy with themselves.
11. Stupid the parent who thinks that putting down his children every day is a good way to build character.
12. Stupid the mother who witnesses the father hit her children and does absolutely nothing.
13. Stupid the man who hits his wife and then says sorry and tells her that he loves her.
14. Stupid the woman who hits her husband and thinks that she is showing him love.
15. Stupid the people who rely on material things to be happy.
16. Stupid the people who think money will make them happy.
17. Stupid the people who worry about the future and miss out on living the present.
18. Stupid the people who worry about the past and never get to live a new future.
19. Stupid those who cannot forgive.
20. Stupid the people who believe that they are entitled to something just because they are breathing.
21. Stupid the guy who thinks every woman is the same.
22. Stupid the woman who thinks every guy is the same.
23. Stupid those that don't want to take a chance to be happy just because they are comfortable where they are.
24. Stupid those who forget their dreams in order for others to realize theirs.
25. Stupid the people that believe true love means the suppression and renunciation of one's dreams.
26. Stupid the people that think marriage means creating a life together and forgetting the life each had.
27. Stupid the people who pretend to be happy in front of others but are miserable inside.
28. Stupid the people that let fear take the best of them.
29. Stupid those that because they are miserable want to make everyone else miserable too.
30. Stupid the people that pretend to like others and talk behind their backs.
31. Stupid the people that stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe is the right thing to do.
32. Stupid the stepmother who thinks she should come before her husband's children.
33. Stupid the stepfather who thinks he should come before his wife's children.
34. Stupid the people that speak without knowing what they are talking about.
35. Stupid the people that just follow because they are too lazy to actually learn about what is going on.
36. Stupid the people that don't believe that there are still persons that do nice things just because they like to do them.
37. Stupid the guy who thinks he is the best in the world because he has a lot of admirers.
38. Stupid the woman who thinks she is the best in the world because she has a lot of admirers.
39. Stupid those who pretend to be someone they are not just to please everyone.
40. Stupid those who pretend to be someone they are not just to grab attention.
41. Stupid those who believe that there is only one way to God.
42. Stupid those who don't believe that the reason God exists is because we believe in him.
43. Stupid those who forget who they are in order to become who they are not.
44. Stupid those that allow others to make them unhappy.
45. Stupid those who think that there is only one way to true happiness.
46. Stupid those who complain about life but never do anything to change it.
47. Stupid those who focus on what they don't have instead of what they do have.
48. Stupid those who never take the time to figure out what they want.
49. Stupid those who think that is too late to change.
50. Stupid those who think it is to late to learn.
51. Stupid those who think revenge is the only option.
52. Stupid those who stop living even before they are dead.
53. Stupid the drug dealer that sells drugs to others because he does not want to actually work.
54. Stupid those that buy drugs in an attempt to forget their problems rather than working towards fixing them.
55. Stupid the people that solve everything by drinking their life away.
56. Stupid those who destroy their families because they only think about themselves.
57. Stupid the guy who stays with his wife or girlfriend while wanting someone else.
58. Stupid the woman who stays with her husband or boyfriend while wanting someone else.