My love/hate relationship with technology.

So after having yet another issue with my high speed internet, the second in less than 5 days, which got me really really angry I backed off for a moment and thought to myself "Technology has given us so much but it has also taken away from us even more."
And then I realized how true that thought of mine was, I mean sure now a days I can have a conversation with my mother that lives in a completely different country, I can see her on my computer screen, I can send her a text or an email that will get to her in a fraction of a second, I can have a US phone number set up for her and my grandmother which allows us to talk at any time day or night, I can keep in contact with my old friends, share memories with my whole family, they can see a picture right away without having to wait for me to print it and mail it, they can watch a video of my daughter dancing without actually having to come to my house to do so. I mean now a days I even have the ability to work from home, to play a game with other friends that are just not close enough to come and play a board game like scrabble, I can take classes from home, I can do research without having to go to a library and actually opening a book, it truly is amazing what we can do now a days versus what we could do back let's say 10 years ago, maybe a little more.

Yes, yes technology, more especifically the internet has opened doors that were not available 10-15 years ago, and as much as it has given us it has also taken a lot from us, I mean now a days I am able to see when my bus is going to arrive just by downloading an app on my phone it gives me an approximate time of arrival for the bus stop I am waiting the bus at, not only that but you can also get an app that will tell you exactly where the bus is, show you where you are at in the map and lets you see how close the bus is to your location, how fantastic huh! NOT, I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have missed the bus because I relied on one of those darn little apps, I am looking and think the bus is further than it actually is and then I realize that the app froze and I had no way of knowing, how many times the app said it was still another 5 min until the bus arrived but the bus was running a tad early so I missed it on that particular stop, all this always makes me want to say: What happened to the little booklets we had with the maps and the times for when the bus will pass on a major stop not on each and every single little stop, and what ever happened to actually paying attention to the road to know where to get off, I mean google maps on my phone gives me all the routes I need to take, it tells me where to get off and to top it off the little blue dot moves with me every time the bus moves, so all I have to do is watch the little blue dot and match it with the stop and boom! I am there, however that app tends to freeze too so a lot of times I have missed the stop and ended up having to walk a mile to get to the actual place I needed to get off and ended up missing my second bus which ended up making me late for whatever appt I had planned. Now my phone upgaded its operating system and I don't have google maps anymore unless I use my web browser and then of course that takes a lot longer to update when the bus is moving so it is even more difficult to figure it out; what am I saying? All I really have to do is ask the bus driver and they will know where I need to get off at, See? We can't even go ask someone something anymore because this cool things give us all the answers.
The other day I was sitting down in front of my computer and my daughter came over with her iPod touch (yes she is four and she has an iPod touch, no she is not spoiled but the plus side of technology is that there are a lot of things now that can help your kids learn which is why she has it) she opened up her maps app, and she said to me: Mommy where in the world are we? and all I did was press that little arrow that puts the blue dot right on the place we are at and said: We are right where the blue dot is, and she said: ohh ok. Now I am like WHAT??? What happened to getting a map of the world and showing her the country we live in, geting a map of the country and showing her the city and state we live in, then I thought: well I have no paper map, how sad is that! now a days who needs a map anyway when we have GPS, mapquest tells me exactly where I have to make a turn, but of course I have to say that app fails more times than not and I end up getting lost anyway, yet I still use it.
Ohh the days when you actually opened a map and mapped out your way and the routes and places you wanted to visit were highlighted or circled, now we have a machine telling us where we have to go, which turn to take, there is no thinking involved anymore. Now a days you see people walking with their phones in their hands looking down to the phone to see where the blue dot is and how close you are to the geen dot, then you get to the green dot and you can't find the place you were wanting to go to so you look around like a moron and instead of asking you keep looking in your phone until finally minutes later you realize that the darn place you were looking for is actually inside the building that is right behind you and has no markings, something you probably would have known ahead of time had you just called ahead and asked.
Ohh! remember those days where we actually had to go to a library to do some research, or had to get an encyclopedia to look up something? Now a days everything is on the darn internet, who needs books! yes is true is better for the planet, however there is also so much incorrect information on the internet that is now easier to find the wrong answer, not only that but there is also way too much information; remember the days where you actually had to go to the doctor to figure out what was wrong with you or if there was even anything wrong with you? Now a days people go on the internet, put in all the symptoms they are having and BOOM! you got a diagnosis, well you usually get about 20 diagnoses, and of course since most humans like to suffer we usually go for the uncurable disease that will kill us in 5 days that only happens to 1 in a billion people, all of which end up causing us a panic attack which we then confuse for a heart attack and suddenly 5 min later the ambulance is outside your house paramedics are coming in and you are being taken to the hospital where the doctor tells you that you are very healthy that all you had was an anxiety attack which can be mistaken by a heart attack and that all your other symptoms are just a normal cold, by this time you realize how much this whole emergency visit will cost you and now you are wishing you had that uncurable and deadly illness because you really don't want to add another bill to the pile of bills you already have to pay, especially when they have told you that you have nothing.
You know another thing technology has taken away from us: privacy, there was a day where you could only be reached by telephone, and I mean a landline, if you were not at home they either had to leave a message (if you had an answering machine) or they had to call back later. Now we have cell phone, email, skype, text message, all these things someone can contact you through; I mean when I really think about it, I have friends that call me and when I don't answer my cell phone they text me, and when I don't answer their text right away they email and when I don't answer their email they try skype, when I don't answer that they try facebook, until finally if I don't answer that they repeat the whole cycle until I do.  My mom is the worst, she does not call me but she sends me a text message every 3 seconds, I am answering her first hello and she is already on the 10th hello, and then I say: Mom, you have to wait at least 5 seconds for me to answer you, but she still does not get it, bless her heart I know she loves me but seriously! And to all the other people that call, text, email and do all that good stuff: if I don't answer is really because I am not available otherwise I would have answered, and me not wanting to talk to you or chat or text also means I AM NOT AVAILABLE.
Work, well what can I say, I love working from home and is great I am able to do my school work from home, but when something does not work or goes down, it is the most infuriating thing cause now you will get behind on school work, you will not be paid for the hours your internet or electiricty went out, and of course now you have less human contact than necessary which I have to say that after working from home for so long and being able to use the time I have now free because I don't have to commute to work so I can either read a book or catch up on my sleep, suddenly the outside world is not something I am very interested in.  With technology now a days people seem to be getting dumber and dumber, you have a person asking what 80 + 10 is and then another person getting out their phones so that they can use a calculator, remember the days where we actually had to learn basic math skills? Those days are gone, the computer does that for us, no need for a brain when you can just input everything on a small device and get the answer.
The worst thing that technology has taken from us is time with our families, actual family time, sure that each family should make time to spend away from technology and to share thoughts and stories, but now a days we get so caught up in reading the latest news, catching up with our friends online that we tend to forget to make that time, not only that but kids now a days are so dependent on technology that even when we do make time to talk they really are focused on how long the conversation will last cause all they want to do is check on what Justin Bieber has posted in the past 5 min that you were actually trying to have a conversation with them, and even when we now say well, we can always take it away, but now a days the schools are using technology more and more to teach, you see virtual schools now are more popular not only for universities but also for elementary, middle and high school.
Anyway as much as I love technology because it has allowed me to do things that otherwise I would not have been able to do if it did not exist, I also know that with everything it has given us it has also taken away a lot of things and made a lot of us more dependent on it than not, so much so that when it does not work like it is supposed to work it can cause anyone to get so angry that they might just explode.

A Failed Relationship.

Yesterday I got a message from a friend that said he had been cheated on by his girlfriend while he was away on a trip and while I am not very good at being empathetic with people because I believe everyone feels completely different even if the circumstances are similar or the same, I could not help but start thinking how I felt every time a relationship that I have had failed.
In the past I have been cheated on, lied to, and well men have had the tendencies to be disloyal in more ways than one, and by disloyal I don't mean just cheating I mean them talking behind my back, not communicating with me and plotting to leave me without me knowing while everyone else did.
Every time a relationship failed, I could not help but to think that somehow it was all my fault, that I must have done something extremely wrong to deserve the fact that they lied, cheated, or plotted to just leave and it did not come to my attention until yesterday when I caught myself telling my friend that I would not say that things happen for a reason because when things we don't want to happen  end up happening well the last thing we want to hear usually is "things happen for a reason" you always want to say well I want that reason, and is reasonable to want to know the reason for bad stuff happening to us, so instead of just accepting that sometimes things just don't work out and that the person we were with was not the right one we decide we will just take the fault for it.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have blamed myself for everything bad that has happened, and while I know that my decisions have probably put me in situations where I would not have otherwise been put in had I not decided to go against my very own intuition, in a relationship is the job of both people involved to communicate with each other about how they are feeling and for both to be open minded to the fact that sometimes the other might say things that they think to be true in their mind but that were just taken out of context when the other person said it and there is no better way to clear up any misunderstandings than by talking with the other person about it, if you don't then all you are ever going to do is wonder and wondering is never good in a relationship, I think things should always be as clear as you can possibly get them to be.
While I was continuing my journey through the day and wondering why I always tried to take credit for the bad other people did, I also wondered how many people out there, women and men, take the fault for what the other person did, how many say: well, if I was good enough my husband would not have done drugs and would have stayed with me; or if I loved my husband enough and the way I was supposed to love him he would have not gone to do drugs. My favorite one is: maybe if I would have been more out there and more available, or more free and more happy then he/she would not have cheated on me. I figured a lot of us probably do this, just by talking to friends that have had relationships failed and listening to people talk about their failed relationships I always sense that deep inside they take the blame, maybe if they would not have pushed too far, maybe if they would not have gotten pregnant, maybe if they did not go on trips too often then the other person would still love them. Truth is, no matter what you would have done differently there is no possible way to stop the other person from doing things that you wouldn't appreciate them doing, you just can't, that person you are with or were with is free to make their own decisions, they are the consequence of their own choices.  No matter how hard one tries to be what the other person wants them to be, or how hard you try and do the right thing, the choices and actions of the other person all fall on them not on you.
If someone cheated on you, is not your fault, it was their choice, in a perfect relationship the other person would have come and talked to you about how they were feeling and why and things would have come out in the open before any cheating happened.  If your partner, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, decides to go do drugs, to go and get in trouble with the law, then that is their choice, you did not make it for them you did not forced them to do it so it is not your fault, so we should just stop taking the entire blame for it, and stop trying to figure out why it happened, the reason will come to you when you are not as hurt, because there will come one day that you will not feel as hurt and you will see things in a completely different perspective.
A real relationship is based on communication, trust and respect; if any of those are lost then the whole relationship fails, in order for communication to work both parties need to be able to listen to the other without getting upset. Communication cannot happen when two people are angry, is usually best not to talk when you are angry at someone because you might end up saying something that the other person will not like or that you will regret later and words that have been spoken cannot be taken back.
So next time you try to figure out why things did not work out  with the person you thought you could trust, and learn to love more than anything in the world or thought that loved you more than anything in the world, just know that you will not know the reason right when things happen, in fact you might never learn the real reason and sometimes the reason just is that you have learned and experienced everything there is to learn and experience from that particular person and is time to move on. Don't get stuck trying to figure out why, because if you do you might never know the why and definitely will end up closing the doors for the next person you are supposed to learn from and sometimes that next person is the one who you can constantly learn from and teach to, the one person you can truly speak to without fear of making them angry or upset, the one person you can totally be yourself with and vice versa. Don't let one failed relationship keep you from the one true and real relationship that the universe has been preparing you for.

Gay Marriage

Being that I have already typed about abortion and guns, I figured why not another subject that apparently has become a big issue without needing to be an issue really.
A few days ago a friend of mine posted the picture of a letter written by a child to the government asking why the government hated his two moms; needless to say that sparked the longest thread with the longest comments I have ever had to read on facebook, people were arguing about why it is so wrong for two people of the same sex to get married, why that word should only be used for heterosexual couples and why is such a SIN to allow homosexuals to get married.
I have to say that anyone that was against it could not give a reasonable explanation to be against gay marriage, as always religion got the best of them and of course the reason is because God did not want it to be that way, because is not natural, because marriage and a family is formed by a man and a woman, because the Bible says so; none of these mentioned reasons are logical explanations to their objections.

So here is my point of view:

1. I don't know who the heck decided to make marriage a word that only comes from the Bible, the word existed before Jesus was ever conceived and therefore before the Bible was ever written, people were getting married way before then so why use the Bible as a guide to say that marriage is only done between a man and a woman and is a spiritual word. If we look up the word marriage the most general definition is that marriage is a "social union or legal contract between people called spouses that creates kinship" (Wikipedia), let's read that again and try to comprehend something here, in no way does it state that it has to be between two people of the opposite sex.

2. Let's cover the "kinship" part, what does kinship mean? It means to be related, so basically the act of marrying someone allows you to become legally related to the person you are marrying; in this sense we can basically say that the legality of marriage (which was created by men, not by a deity) came from us humans looking to create new "kinships", new relationships, new bonds, we wanted to make our own family, it did not state it had to be done between people of the opposite sex, that is just something that has become a social norm.

3. On that note, let's talk about family, what is a family? A family is a group of people that live under one roof to form a household. What is a group? a group is created by 2 o more things, persons, animals, etc.; a family is not form especifically by a man and a woman and children, that is also a social norm but if we kept the social norm that only a man and a woman and children can make a family then we would have a lot of single mothers or single fathers out there that only live with their child furious about it, because if someone came to me and told me that my daughter and I do not form a family, well that someone has something else coming their way, because my child is my family. Two people of the same sex living under the same roof form a family.

4. Let's now take this to the Christianity side of the equation and argue about what God intended for humans to do. First of, let me clarify that according to the Bible, God intended for us to live in what is called the Garden of Eden, where there is peace, harmony, no disease, no death, no worries, no debt, no good vs evil; but as we all know God's intention got completely shattered by the fact that Eve decided to eat an apple from a "forbidden" tree after God decided to give the first two humans ever what everyone now calls "free will" but at the same time he decided that they could do whatever they wanted escept touch the darn apple. On that last note there, this all so merciful God, the one that forgives all our sins, also decided that every single human being that was born from the first two humans would now forever suffer and pay the price for what someone else decided to do... ok getting of topic here, anyhow, God's will obviously did not come true, also have you ever thought about the fact that if Adam and Eve were the only two humans that were first created, in order for us to preocreate we would have had to sleep with our parents, siblings, cousins, sons, daughters, etc? This which is now considered to be NOT the social norm, would have been and probably was the social norm back then, and I hate to point this out, but if we all came from just two people then that means we are all related! Yeap! I said it!!! And this is where the whole we are all brothers and sisters on the eyes of God comes from. Social norms can and do change as we progress and as new issues arise, what God intended did not happen so is time to let it go and see what we have and what we have is adults from the same sex that want to come into an agreement and form a family legallly.

5. On another note, and this goes to everyone, being that I was raised by my grandmother who was a single mother, a mother that never got remarried legally and a father who decided to get married three different times, decided to lie to the Catholic church so that he could get his first marriage in the church annuled and who really seems to care less about what that legal paper means. I have a different idea of what a marriage really is and where it should come from; yes the legal document helps us out with certain things that we must deal with and yes it protect us from certain things that the other person might do to us if one day they decided to go crazy and pick up and leave or when they passed away, but the reality is that the commitment any person makes to another, that is what a marriage makes, is deciding to trust the person you are with, to respect them and to cherish them the way you would cherish yourself, is the decision one makes to walk along with that person and help each other achieve your dreams.  I used to say that I was more married to my ex boyfriend than I was to my (hopefully soon to be) ex-husband, why? because I trusted my ex boyfriend more, I respected him more and he trusted and respected me more than my ex-husband ever did, all I had with my ex husband that was different from what I had with my ex boyfriend was a piece of paper saying that now we were related, but I never really felt that I was related to him, so to me the paper means absolutely nothing, is just one more legal document in the eyes of us humans.

I don't know why people make a big issue about any of this, like I stated before: social norms are meant to change, they are meant to evolve as we see new things arise.  A legal document to become a family or become related in the eyes of the law should not be denied to anyone, we should be allowed to chose who we want to be related to legally and we should not place rules that make no sense just because we are afraid of change, because we have been taught to hate what is different, or because we are creatures of habit. Habits, while they are hard to change, can be changed. We don't have to hate what is different, no one is saying you have to try it and I agree when people say that every person is different, but every person has and was given the same rights and the same freedoms, and in a way each of us has been given the power to decide and as long as no one is being harm why stop them? If you are worried about your children, guess what? they are being raised in a world that has different social norms than when you were being raised; I don't expect my grandparents to change their way of thinking or even my mother to change it but I do know that my child will have a completely different way of seeing things when she gets older, just like I see things different than the way my grandmother and even my mother do and while I respect their opinions I have to say that no law should be passed based on the opinion of the masses but based on facts, lately we have been setting those aside.

Guns and People

I woke up to the horrible news that a guy had gotten into a movie theater, let out a gas bomb and then decided to start shooting people, why? no one knows. It is saddening what happened yesterday, hard to believe that now people can't even go to watch a movie in peace because some whack job might go in and start shooting them, everyone that was inside that theater and their families my heart goes out to you, I can not imagine how you must be feeling at the moment.

What is even more saddening is how many people have started with the blame game, others have started with the judging game, instead of shutting up and just praying or sending positive energy to these people who really need it, instead of being sympathetic people have decided that it is a good time to blame the government, blame the police and judge the parents who were in the movie theater with young children. To those who have decided to judge and play the blame game here is my thoughts on that:

• Guns don't kill people! The rifle and the hand guns that killed and injured the people in the theater were held, pointed, and fired by one individual, a human being; without this human pulling the trigger the guns (which are inanimate objects) would not have harmed anyone. On that note, people will say things like "well if we had more gun control then he would have not been able to get the guns and use them" think again, you can't control a person from doing something they want to do, they will do whatever they feel like doing, most people are worried about the consequences of their actions, people that kill do not care what happens to them, they have no emotion, no sympathy, no feelings at all, therefore the consequences are meaningless to them. We can have as many laws as you want to try and control who buys a gun and who doesn't the truth is that if it was not a gun he would have used something else, all he wanted to do was harm people, no matter how. He was also an honor student with no criminal record, no violent tendencies, so even if we had something in place to try and control more who was able to get a gun and who was not, he would probably be one of the few that would pass the test and would end up being able to get one. It is a sad reality but that is the truth, there are people out there that will always break the law, that will always try to commit a horrible crime, and that don't mind the consequences of their actions.

• After the whole guns kill people debate, what did I see next? Ohh yeah, why would a parent bring a 3 month old to the movie theater, why would a parent bring a 6 year old to a movie theater to watch that movie that a 6 year old should not be watching in the first place and what's worse why bring them at 12 in the morning to a premiere of a movie. Give me a freaking break!!! I would love to know who wrote the laws on how to raise your children, and what you can take them to see or not and at what time you can take them out of the house and at what time you can't. Yes there are certain standards as far as what the responsibilities of a parent is and there are certain standards as to what a parent should not do like neglect their child, hit and abuse their child (this includes psychological abuse) but nothing in those standards say whether a child belongs on a movie theater and at what time or at what age is appropriate. As a parent myself I can say that whenever I watch a movie with my 4 year old I always tell her that it is just a movie, it is not real and therefore she should not expect or act in real life like she sees in the movies. I am confident to say that my daughter knows exactly the difference, she knows Mickey Mouse talks because is the magic of TV and that's it.

I told a friend today that when my daughter was first born I never went out, I stayed home, partly because I never wanted to leave her with anyone, I did not feel confident to leave my child with a stranger, even if they passed background checks, I got a job as a nanny of a ten year old and I was able to take my child with me, I did not make a lot of money but it worked for me because I knew my daughter was well taken care of and no one would do anything to her that she would not be able to tell me. The first time I left my child for one day was when she was 2 years old and she was left with my sister who knew her schedule, knew how I was raising her and followed my instructions. After that time the first time I actually hired someone I did not really know was when she was 3 years old and she had an extensive vocabulary so she was able to tell me if they did something bad to her and she was only left for a couple of hours.

But that is just me, that is how I decided to raise my kid, I decided that worked for me and no matter what as long as a parent is not purposely putting their child in harm's way, then they are being responsible. A 3 month old was probably sleeping throughout the movie until the shots were fired and people started panicking. I can't testify as to why the parent took the baby to a late showing or to that movie even, but I can assure you one thing, every time the parents of the baby that got harmed and those who did not get harmed close their eyes they will think about what happened that night, and they will think blame themselves for going to that movie theater, they will take responsibility for another person's actions and say it was their fault that their baby got harmed because they could have waited another day to go see the movie, I think that is punishment enough for them, they don't need anyone else throwing judgement at them, no one can say to another person that they are not a good parent, there is not such thing as a good parent or a bad parent, the only ones that will decide whether you were a good parent or a bad one are your children, everyone else can put you in two different categories: a responsible parent or an irresponsible one and to me as long as you are not neglecting your children (keeping them up late does not constitute neglect) you are a responsible parent.

So, I hope that we don't forget that what happened today is no one's fault but the person holding and shooting the guns and rifle, I hope that those injured don't blame themselves for what happened, I hope that the Spirit gives them clarity of mind and helps them over come what happened. I hope that they can find peace again and feel safe, I know at the moment many people not only those who were victims of the tragic incident feel unsafe, myself included, but I truly hope that we can all find our way to peace and sanity, not to forget the victims but to forget the fear, to be able to remember that there is still good people out in the universe and the good people are who make a difference in this world and we should all be thankful for them.

I hope we can all be shown that even when tragic things happen there is always a reason for it, we might not understand it at the moment, in fact we might not understand it at all but there is always a reason, the best one is that every time something tragic happens, every time a person dies, especially young people, we are reminded of how we don't know how long we have here in this earth and with our loved ones, so it is a good reminder that we should not fight over petty things, that we should forgive people who have harmed us in the past, that there is no reason to hate others because hate only harm us not anyone else, that in life is the little things that matter is not the money that you take with you is the memories of your life and true happiness is achieve when you have made a difference whether it is with yourself or with others. I hope all of you are reminded of this, that there should not be time spent judging others, everyone has a different way of suffering and living their life, even those who commit crimes, they remind us of what is important, as sad and as tragic as it is, and as angry as it makes us, they do remind us of what good is.

My heart goes out to the family, friends and victims of that horrible tragedy, no one deserves to be hurt, harm, or scared in such way. May the Spirit enlighten your path, made the Spirit heal the wounds that this tragedy has left for many people, and may you all come together setting judgement aside and supporting each other like we Americans usually do, let's remember that there is only one person to blame for what happened, and that he could have picked any where else to do what he did and hope that he does find remorse in his heart and is brought to justice.

Love and Relationships

Love, what is love? there are many meanings people give to that four letter word, most people can't even describe what is love, in reality is just a feeling, but what kind of feeling, how does one really feel when one is in love? how do you know you are in love? how do you know you are with the right person? how do you know you truly love someone and is not just an infatuation, just something of the moment...

I have to say that those are tough questions to answer, I was asked once why I loved someone and all I could say was: I don't know, I just do but I know that it is true because I have no reason to love him, that to me is true love, is a feeling is just there, it does not change if the person changes, it does not matter what the person does, the feeling does not go away is there, just thinking about that person brings joy.  If someone asks me why I love my daughter, I will answer the same way, most people will say hello? she is my child that's why I love her, and I say: just because she is your child it does not mean you have to love her, I mean there are many parents out there that just don't have that feeling for their children even though most never say it but they don't, some because they are selfish, others cause well... they probably have mental issues but these parents do exist.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she was telling me that her partner had told her who she could have as friends on Facebook especially if they were guy, but she was ok with it because she did not allow him to have any girls as friends on there. Boy was I in shock!!! I mean at least to me, I don't know if anyone else out there feels the same way but a relationship is built solely in mutual trust and respect, if you don't trust the person you are with then even if there is a little bit of respect, at some point that will be lost, and if there is no respect even if there is a little bit of trust then that trust will at some point be lost.

Human beings were born to be free; we were not born to live with restrictions and limitations, the restrictions that society has created, which we call laws, are there solely for the purpose of keeping us from doing things to harm one another, because if we all think about it if we were given free reign God knows where we would be. When it comes to relationships though one person does not own the other, two people get together not to form one life but to share the life they each already have. I had a boyfriend with whom I had no common friends, he met this guy through some of his friends, and to this day I do not like the guy, I have my reasons, it created some serious problems between him and me, I did not want him to talk to him about our life, I did not want him to tell him anything about me or our plans, finally I realized that if I could not accept his friend I could not be with him, he had the right to be friends with whomever he wanted to be friends, granted he had met the friend months after we were already dating but I had no right telling him to not talk to him. I used to always say that friends should always come before a boyfriend or a girlfriend, especially if you have known your friend longer than you have your partner, good friends to me are like the brothers or sisters you never had but found along the way to help you or to get in trouble with you, to make memories with, friends end up building part of who you are and if someone has a problem with them then they have a problem with you.

I kept thinking about other things that to me seem completely ridiculous to do, say or even expect from another human being. You expect the other person to not admire anyone else other than yourself, why? admiration does not mean love, admiration does not mean that person is cheating on you, it merely means that person has an opinion.  I love it too when I hear women complain about their boyfriends or husbands looking at another woman, because the woman is attractive or has a nice body, and they get all angry or they get sad about it; I once told a good friend of mine, a guy, that he will know he is truly in love when he can check out a hot girl but then he looks to the girl that he has as his girlfriend and says yeah that other one is hot but she is not her. A guy can look at other girls, maybe is just me but I don't find it disrespectful, I find it that if he does it in front of me he trusts me, I know he will not lie to me, he respects me because even if he does it behind my back I know he is just observing someone that is attractive, it does not mean he is gonna jump into bed with her, but maybe I am wrong because most women get offended by it, there are guys that get offended too.

Back to that whole mutual trust and respect thing, if you are with someone that you feel you have to check on every so often, that you have to talk to every time they are at lunch at work, that you feel like they are doing something wrong all the time, then you are with the wrong person. I can tell you right now that relationship will not last and if it does, both people will be miserable, and they will end up showing it, suddenly you will see a change in attitude, a change in behavior, there will be this sadness in their faces. At the same time, if you are with a person that does that to you then that person is not the right person for you, the right person will not tell you what you can or cannot do, they will not tell you that you need to be faithful because when you are with the right person you will want to be faithful to them, you will want to be just with them, and they will know and you will feel the same way. The right person will not call you every second they have free just to see where you are at or what you are doing, the right person will allow you to be you, they won't try to change anything about you, they accept you just like you are, and if you are with someone that does not then that is the wrong someone.

I told another friend that I believe the universe has one person for you, one that will drive you completely nuts but at the same time will make you smile, a person that, like I said before, will accept you just the way you are and you will accept that person just like they are; I said that person is worth the wait. People always try to figure out why there is so many people getting married and then getting divorced, it has become an epidemic, some say because people can't work out their differences, I believe is because most people just settle. People think that the way to happiness is to find a person, to marry them, buy a house, have children, get a job to pay the bills and that will allow you to do a little bit more like take a vacation every year, and that's it! They forget what they wanted to do when they were younger, they think they are getting too old to try and go after their "silly dreams" they change their major to one that will give them job security and stability, and they forget that all that does not bring any peace to the soul unless is something you really wanted in the first place. I have been lucky enough to learn that lesson early in life.

Most people believe that their dreams have to be forgotten, or set aside in order for that other person to be happy, that's when that big ugly word "compromise" comes into place. It becomes you leave this or forget about this and I will forget about this and that, you will not have this and I will not have that. I will not do this but you can't do that, and the list goes on and on, and every year something gets added to it. What a drag!!! A good relationship is not about giving up things for the other person is about finding a way to share your lives together without having to give up who you truly are, if you have to give up who you are for the another, just so that they will be happy then at some point you will look back and you will not be happy and that in turn will end up making them unhappy.

"I am happy because I have him/her" this statement is another one that is just absolutely wrong or better yet "I will be happy when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" what!!! Your happiness should never ever depend on another person, what a load you are putting on the person that is with you when you say that, it is a heavy load to carry, to be responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for being happy, until you become happy with yourself, you will not be happy with anyone, until you accept yourself you cannot expect anyone to accept you, is that simple! You can not expect to mold a human being to your liking, you can't even do that with your children, how can you possibly expect to do that with an adult? Mold yourself to the person you want to be, be happy with you, and then find someone who is happy with themselves so that they don't bring you down.

Anyway, these were just a few of my thoughts tonight, something I had in my mind, things I have said before but sometimes I have forgotten them myself.  I might not be in a relationship at the moment but I sure have learned a lot from the ones that I have been in. I know that many times I have forgotten who I am, I have put on hold my dreams in order for the other person to achieve theirs, and other times I have completely convinced myself that I wanted to be someone I was not just so that I could have what the world expected me to have: a husband, a house, a car, a job, good credit, and then form a family maybe continue with school, not studying what you are passionate about but studying something that will pay the mortgage, pay the car, daycare, that will allow you to save up for your kids' college education so that then they can follow the same path; what a misery that sounds to me now, don't get me wrong I will make sure my daughter has what she needs and sometimes a little more, but is horrible to think that she has to follow the same things that I did just to make everyone else happy, I just want her to be happy, do whatever she wants to do, study what she wants, I am sure she will figure out how to make money doing what she loves and that will be my greatest accomplishment.

I thank the universe for teaching me that the right person is worth the wait, that true love has no restrictions, that true love is free. For teaching me that a good relationship is built on communication and from then trust and respect are built, if one is missing then the other will be lost. For teaching me that I am happy on my own and with that allowing me to understand that when one is happy with themselves then the day the right person arrives will just be an added bonus. For teaching me that I am not responsible for making someone else happy, if they are not happy alone then I cannot carry the burden of trying to make them happy. And finally I thank the universe for teaching me that I am happier being alone than I would be if I was with the wrong person, for teaching me that I will never be happy if I just settled.

Stupidity

I recently read a book, The Zahir by Paulo Coelho, in this book one of the characters states: "I saw a comedian the other day.  He said that stupid people should have the word 'stupid' written on their identity card,"....."That way, we'd know who we were talking to.".

That statement above got me thinking about another issue that has been going on lately, DirecTV was forced to remove channels like Nickelodeon, MTV, VH1, TVLand, among others.  People are going nuts about this, a lot seem to be so attached to those channels that some have even posted videos on YouTube of their children crying because they cannot watch Sponge Bob, pictures of kids so irritated because Sponge Bob was not on anymore; all I could think about is: how stupid is this? I mean do they realize that there are other channels out there that they can watch other than those channels? Do they realize that there are other things to do than watch TV all day? I wonder if these people ever opened a book. This let me to another discussion, I was speaking about relationships, now I do have to say that I am happily separated and I consider myself single even though I am still legally married but since I have not seen my husband in ages and I have no intention in getting back together with him well... you get the picture. I have always thought that being with another person meant that you shared your life with them, it did not mean that you made one life with that person, that the person was a separate entity, a separate being and therefore that person was always going to be free to do whatever they wanted.  If they wanted to leave, they could; if they wanted to cheat, that was their choice (now it would be my choice if I wanted them in my life after they cheated); they would be responsible for their friends; I figured shoot I don't want a prisoner in my house, I want someone who wants to be with me not because he has to but because he wants to.

I was speaking to a dear friend today who said how she did not allow her partner to have any friends that were girls, so she was not allowed to have any guy friends either and I thought: how ridiculously stupid that is, but to her is not stupid, I guess she likes being controlled in some way or another as long as she can return the favor but who knows?

After all these encounters with that very peculiar and very commonly used word "stupid", I realized I have an entire list of what I think is stupid, according to the dictionary stupid is something that is senseless, that is dull. I reserve the right to update this list at any time,but here is some of what I came up with:

1. Stupid the woman who thinks that by controlling and checking on her husband every 5 minutes she is protecting herself from infidelity.
2. Stupid the man who thinks that by controlling and checking on his wife every 5 minutes he is protecting himself from infidelity.
3. Stupid the parent who thinks he/she is a great parent just because they provide and do what their responsibility as a parent is.
4. Stupid the people who think that by hating someone they are actually harming them in some way.
5. Stupid the people that want everyone to love them, and suffer when they realize not everyone does.
6. Stupid the people that believe their happiness depends on another human being.
7. Stupid the people who think that there is only one path to spirituality and that their path is the only way.
8. Stupid the people that do not realize that we live in a world that is changing every day, and things are not the way they were when they were growing up.
9. Stupid the parent who hits his children and believes that is the only way to teach them that they have done something wrong.
10. Stupid the parent who hits his children for no reason other than because they are unhappy with themselves.
11. Stupid the parent who thinks that putting down his children every day is a good way to build character.
12. Stupid the mother who witnesses the father hit her children and does absolutely nothing.
13. Stupid the man who hits his wife and then says sorry and tells her that he loves her.
14. Stupid the woman who hits her husband and thinks that she is showing him love.
15. Stupid the people who rely on material things to be happy.
16. Stupid the people who think money will make them happy.
17. Stupid the people who worry about the future and miss out on living the present.
18. Stupid the people who worry about the past and never get to live a new future.
19. Stupid those who cannot forgive.
20. Stupid the people who believe that they are entitled to something just because they are breathing.
21. Stupid the guy who thinks every woman is the same.
22. Stupid the woman who thinks every guy is the same.
23. Stupid those that don't want to take a chance to be happy just because they are comfortable where they are.
24. Stupid those who forget their dreams in order for others to realize theirs.
25. Stupid the people that believe true love means the suppression and renunciation of one's dreams.
26. Stupid the people that think marriage means creating a life together and forgetting the life each had.
27. Stupid the people who pretend to be happy in front of others but are miserable inside.
28. Stupid the people that let fear take the best of them.
29. Stupid those that because they are miserable want to make everyone else miserable too.
30. Stupid the people that pretend to like others and talk behind their backs.
31. Stupid the people that stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe is the right thing to do.
32. Stupid the stepmother who thinks she should come before her husband's children.
33. Stupid the stepfather who thinks he should come before his wife's children.
34. Stupid the people that speak without knowing what they are talking about.
35. Stupid the people that just follow because they are too lazy to actually learn about what is going on.
36. Stupid the people that don't believe that there are still persons that do nice things just because they like to do them.
37. Stupid the guy who thinks he is the best in the world because he has a lot of admirers.
38. Stupid the woman who thinks she is the best in the world because she has a lot of admirers.
39. Stupid those who pretend to be someone they are not just to please everyone.
40. Stupid those who pretend to be someone they are not just to grab attention.
41. Stupid those who believe that there is only one way to God.
42. Stupid those who don't believe that the reason God exists is because we believe in him.
43. Stupid those who forget who they are in order to become who they are not.
44. Stupid those that allow others to make them unhappy.
45. Stupid those who think that there is only one way to true happiness.
46. Stupid those who complain about life but never do anything to change it.
47. Stupid those who focus on what they don't have instead of what they do have.
48. Stupid those who never take the time to figure out what they want.
49. Stupid those who think that is too late to change.
50. Stupid those who think it is to late to learn.
51. Stupid those who think revenge is the only option.
52. Stupid those who stop living even before they are dead.
53. Stupid the drug dealer that sells drugs to others because he does not want to actually work.
54. Stupid those that buy drugs in an attempt to forget their problems rather than working towards fixing them.
55. Stupid the people that solve everything by drinking their life away.
56. Stupid those who destroy their families because they only think about themselves.
57. Stupid the guy who stays with his wife or girlfriend while wanting someone else.
58. Stupid the woman who stays with her husband or boyfriend while wanting someone else.

Women and packing

I am getting ready to take a trip and while packing I started adding certain things that I might probably not need during my trip so I realized why women are thought to over pack for a trip...

Wanna know why it seems like women over pack when they go on a trip?

1. We not only have to have one outfit per day of the trip, we also have to make sure the shoes match the outfit.
2. Even if we can get outfits for every single day that we will be on the trip to match with one pair of shoes, we always think: "mmm maybe I should take another pair and another "type" of outfit just in case we do something different that will require a different attire."
3. after we have gather an outfit for each day and its matching under garments, plus shoes, and the additional outfit, we tend to think: "mmm maybe one of the days I will not feel like wearing this particular outfit so maybe I should take two more just to make sure that I have enough choices just in case I don't want to wear one of the other outfits I have picked out."
4. Most women, I don't do this, but most women have to accessorize, you have the outfit and you gotta get the matching scrunchie, headband, jewelry, and whatever else they think that is needed to "make" the entire outfit look amazing.
5. Once we have the outfits figured out, now we have to add hair and beauty products. This one is a tricky one, you have at least 5 different types of brushes only for the hair, then you have the makeup, the hair dryer, the straightening iron, the shampoo, the conditioner, the body wash, the face wash, the moisturizer; some women also have the gel and the hair spray and the oils for their hair to get it straight faster.
6. After all this we have to add all the additional items that we might or might not need, for example one of my moms will travel with her hair cutting scissors (you never know who might need a haircut); then you have blankets (cause maybe the hotel you are staying at does not have enough); towels (why use the ones in the hotel?); computer, at least one movie, one book (just in case the vacation gets boring); additional bag or purse (because one is not enough); snacks (cause we can't wait to gain that vacation weight), and whatever else that might come to mind that will be needed at some point.
After all of this, how can anyone possibly expect a woman to leave her house with just one small luggage bag?

My view on abortion

I know the abortion subject is one that is very controversial, I am not writing to judge anyone or say anything bad about any body; I am simply writing to express my view on the subject.
Recently I have been reading a lot about abortion and about how wrong it is, how it should be considered murder to have an abortion. On the other hand I hear how it is a woman's choice and it should always be her choice, I mean no matter what it ends up being our bodies that go through the pregnancy and labor.
I have also read many people say that taking contraceptives should not be allowed, that insurance companies should not cover them because they go against what we were put in this earth to do, which is procreate.
I recently read someone that posted something that caught my attention, she said "I believe God gives us all life, should we continue to challenge him on when life begins?".  This thought makes an interesting point, and one that people don't really think about.  I am not a church goer nor do I read the Bible (I have my own views on that,maybe one day I will share those views with everyone), I do however believe in one source of energy, one supreme being that has to have created us, I mean we would like to think that we were all created from energy and that is all great and what not but where did that energy come from? it has to have a source.  Call him or her God, or Goddess, or as I like to call it: Holy Spirit, for the purpose of this I will call him God, and I would like to say my view on this whole issue by answering that small question above.
I believe God created us with many purposes, one of them was to procreate, yes he made a woman and a man and each of us has things the other one needs in order to create a life.  Most believe in what we have come accustomed to call free will (I love those two little words), that means we can choose what we want to do with our lives, that means a woman has a choice right?
Well, let's keep going then, when it comes to contraceptives: God created us, modern science has found a way to keep the general population of the world in some sort of control, back when there were only less than a third of the people that are currently living in this world, there was no form of birth control other than abstinence, back then people needed to be born so guess what God made it so that we could not find a way to not procreate, I mean had we had oral contraceptives back then more than likely the world would not be as heavily populated as it is right now, therefore this powerful being made it so that we would not figure out how to stop ourselves from procreating when we wanted to have sexual intercourse with our partners.  I mean having sex is a natural thing, is something that men and women both want at some point in their lives and is something we enjoy, if we didn't we would not do it and there would be no need for contraceptives would it?
So, now we have discovered how to enjoy sex without the fear of getting pregnant, let's face it now a days most people don't have the time or the money needed to have more than 2 children, there are lots more things involved, women now work outside the home because two salaries are needed due to the fact that the cost of living has gone up, mostly due to so many people living in this planet; so here is what God did, he gave the idea to someone and allow them to find a way to still be able to have sex without having to add more people to society like it once was. Think about that for one second, if this all mighty God would have wanted us to continue procreating like bunnies, then we would not have found a way to not do it, would we?
This takes me back to that beautiful question and makes me ask myself: are we really challenging God when a woman has an abortion, are we challenging him as to when life really begins? Scientifically a fetus that is 20 weeks old cannot survive outside the womb, mommy is needed for the baby to survive, at 24 weeks the chances of survival are about 2% to 3%, as the baby keeps growing the chances of the fetus surviving become higher; if this supreme being that is God, the one that decides when life begins, had decided that life begins with the first heartbeat then wouldn't the chances of the baby surviving if a woman had it at 19 weeks of pregnancy be 100%? I mean right about now I am seeing it this way: The first few weeks of pregnancy the baby can't survive outside the utero, it cannot survive without being inside the mother's womb, so wouldn't that be God letting us make the choice as to whether we wanted to or not have that baby? wouldn't that be God giving us a chance to see whether we were ready or not to become a mom? Now I am not saying use abortion as a means of contraception, God has allowed us to find a way to enjoy our sexual pleasures without having to bring a life into the world when we don't feel we are yet ready, now this brief period of time when baby is not able to live outside mom's body I am seeing as: if that 1% chance of getting pregnant happened then I have the choice on whether or not I am ready to become a mom, every mom out there knows how hard it is to bring a child to the world, to raise them and provide for them, and yes some will say well that's easy just don't have sex until you get married or don't have sex unless you are willing to get pregnant or have sex and if it happened it is because God wanted that, well I say to them:
1.  People are not gonna stop having sex, it is fun and unfortunately people enjoy it way too much to give it up, God made us that way.
2.  God has allowed us to take care of ourselves and enjoy ourselves, otherwise we would have never found a way to try and prevent pregnancy.
3.  God has already told us when life begins, life begins when a baby is able to survive outside mommy's body, when that chance of survival hits 1% that is when life begins, until then it has not yet begun, and I am a witness to this because 9 years ago my sister's mother, whom I call mom too because she has become like a mother to me in the recent years, had complications with her pregnancy, she went into labor when she was about 20 or 21 weeks pregnant, they tried to keep the baby inside as long as they could, finally a week or so went by and they had to deliver the baby.  Mom almost died, and the baby had a 1% survival rate, the doctors all said she was not going to make it, but guess what? she did, she is alive and well today, the road was not an easy one but God decided that she would survive, God had bigger plans for that baby and bigger plans for mom.
So see, are we really challenging God as to when a life begin? I don't think so, there are many reasons why a woman might seek an abortion, again I am not here to judge any of them, they are all allowed to make their choice, whether they decide to have a child or not should be up to them, not anyone else, they should not be judged there is only ONE that will judge us all and we should leave that job only to him.
I am a mom and I am also a woman, I am not saying I would or wouldn't have an abortion, I am saying that given the circumstances I should be allowed to make that decision for myself and if we are going to include God in this dilemma, well, I believe God has giving us a small period of time where we can make that choice.