Monday, September 16, 2013

So there she was now at her father's house, she felt like there was a big weight lifted off her, finally she was out of that place and could start over.  To her this was a sign that she was getting a second chance, this time no mistakes would be made, no rushing into something just because it was something she wanted, no telling what she wanted until she found out what the other person wanted, this way she would make sure that the other person wouldn't try to become what she wanted but would learn to be themselves and then she could feel like she truly knew them.
She reconnected with old friends, for six months or so her life was total hell, her husband was making sure of it.  She prayed and prayed to the universe, she begged for that one deal that she had made to come true, that if he was not going to be the best father for her child then he would be taken away and he would not bother her anymore, but why was it that it was not happening, why this man was still around causing hurt and pain? She decided to fight back, but that took her no where, it was more like giving him something to fight about and the more she fought the more power he would get.  Could it be possible that this man was getting more energy from her fighting him back?
One day as she just could not take it anymore she decided it was time to stop this was not something she would win, it was just something that needed to run its course so it did and eventually he was gone.
Trouble at the house she was in started, her father always trying to give his opinion on how to raise her child, her stepmother did the same and one day a fight broke off; by this time she had learned that she should not fight back, that she should just stay quiet and listen, and if things were bad she could always walk away and say I just need a moment for myself.  Unfortunately her father never cared about anyone else, how they felt or how they had learned to handle a confrontation and anger, all he knew was how to yell, insult and finally hit when neither of the first two worked to get a reaction.  That day her father's words were: If you think you have it bad, I am your worst nightmare.
How could a father say that to his own kid, no matter how mad they are and after they have hit them to the point of making her dizzy and a bit disoriented.  She was puzzled, confused and emotionless.  Her cousin came to take her to her house, it was time to leave dad's house, it was not safe anymore.  All her things were packed and off they went, a new beginning once again life changed her plans, no longer would she stay at her father's house and finish school and possibly find that one guy that would actually love her for her and not just a guy that wanted to rescue her.  A guy that could talk to her for hours and that would help her make sense of her craziness.  A guy that was respectful and loyal, one that not only loved her but that would love her child as his own, because she knew that she had picked the wrong dad for her baby girl, and in the end a dad is not the one whose DNA is running through your veins but the one that raises you and cares for you.  The baby was still a baby and there was time, there was time to meet someone and have that family she always wanted, or maybe, she thought, this was the chance to be with MD, he had contacted her and every few months they would chat, but there was a lot going on and she felt that he was just allowing her to figure it all out.  But maybe all of that was her daydreaming of the man she thought to be perfect for her, it was amazing how that thought kept her going, he never realized how important he turned out to be in her life.
After a couple of months she accepted an offer from MR's mother, she offered to help her with an apt and help her with the baby so she could work, so in an attempt to find a better place for her and her child she decided to go for it, why not? nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Probably one of the worst decisions she made once again, but can you blame her for wanting something better for her and her child?

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