Lately I've been asking myself why certain things have happened in my life and why it is that it takes so long for me to be able to reach certain "goals" I have set for myself and then I realized that in order for us to be able to get something new and amazing we first need to get rid of the old and dirty and then we have to clean out the dust left behind before we put something new in otherwise the new things will get dirty and won't last.
That's how our lives are, we are born into certain families, some people have great parents others have not so great parents and others have very abusive parents. As we grow older we start to accumulate an immense amount of friends, some are good some are not so good. Some of us have great siblings others have siblings that somehow even though they grew up with the same set of parents they ended up with a completely different moral compass than us.
And so it is, we keep growing and we keep dragging these people with us even though we know that they don't belong in our lives. Yes, most of the people we tend to drag along are family and close friends because society states that family should never be left behind and that family will always be there. We say things like: well he is my father, or well she is my mother, she is my sister, or I have known him or her since we were in diapers and that's why we accept whatever behavior they have towards us. This is not true, just because they are related to you, or because you've known them for a long time it does not mean they belong in your life...
Trust me I understand completely how that goes because I've done that; I carried on a member of my family and kept trying to make things work so that they could remain in my life and each time it seemed like things would be ok for a little while but then they would go back to the same way they were before and it was exhausting and hurtful because it was broken to the point of it not being able to be repaired.
So let's think about it... What is it that we are always asking for or complaining about? We all want to be happy, we all want to have peace of mind, we all want joy and we all want to have our version of success to come true. But how can we achieve that when we are dragging around all these other things that are of no use to us anymore? Or keeping around things that are damaged and that we are not able to fix? All these things that are basically anchoring us to the same place we are in now.
Think of life as your house, your home, and all the people that you have grown up with are the things in it. As the years pass and we start to get new things we keep around the house only those things that we tend to use in our daily routines, because those things make it easier to deal with our day to day activities, sometimes the things that are not of good quality will break and we have to get rid of them because there is no way we can fix them, other times something of good quality will break but because it was of good quality we are able to fix it and keep using it for years to come. That's how relationships work, it does not matter who they are with, sometimes you have some that break and can never be fixed no matter what you do and other times you have some that you can fix and they continue to work for many years to come.
But how do we know which ones are the ones we can fix? Well it's exactly like looking at something that is no longer working, we always attempt to fix it first but after trying our best we get the same outcome, the thing just does not work, it won't turn on anymore... It is exactly the same with people, you try to have a healthy relationship with someone and you give them a second chance, you work hard to try and change what the other person is complaining about you but the other person does absolutely nothing to change their behavior. They continue to insult you, put you down and really all they keep causing is pain. They don't work, it does not matter who they are, they don't work and not to be harsh but what do you do with something that does not work and you are unable to fix? You throw it away and buy a new one... Granted you can't buy a new father or mother or sibling but you can certainly learn to surround yourself with better people and you can't do that while you are keeping yourself busy with the same old ones that keep trying to bring you down, while you are focused on fixing the un-fixable you are missing out on the great deals that the store of life is throwing at you.
And with that I realized how life is always trying to give us exactly what we want, what we ask for but we keep trying to go back to the same old stuff that does not work, that is extremely dirty and that we are not able to clean up anymore and that should be tossed away because we are so darn stubborn and think that we can find a way of making it work, but life keeps trying and trying to let us know it no longer works and you need to move on and we keep getting dirty and coming into our house and letting it get dirty after we have just clean it out... It's like buying your old stuff at your own garage sale.
There was a period in my life where I felt like I was losing people, I felt like hey I am all alone and have no friends, my family hates me, and all I got is myself and my kiddo who I have to protect and I kept trying to make it work with everyone that it had not worked before, because they were family, they were close friends, and it kept not working, it seemed like everything I really wanted was getting further and further away from me.
Then I started to see what I had asked for, I had asked for peace and happiness and while it hurt to not talk to certain members of my family, while it was painful to lose them because of their own behavior now I realize that is how life was giving me exactly what I was asking for, in order for me to have peace (basically a clean house) I needed to get rid of the old unusable dirty things or in this case the people that were causing me more pain and sorrow by putting me down and pointing out all the things I did bad, the people that could easily get angry at me and raise their hand at me, the people that had a completely different moral compass than me and that I just knew did not belong in my life because they did things in a way that I just would never accept.
It took some time, just like it takes time to clean your house after you get rid of that old couch and buy a new one, the marks of the old couch remain on the carpet for a few weeks, sometimes months until eventually after going through with the vacuum over and over and over they get cleaned out and they are no longer there, but it happened, and it's still happening.
Sometimes it feels like I have less friends than I did before or that life is keeping me alone for some reason but it's not that, life is getting rid of the old things that no longer work, the things that needed to be replaced and slowly giving me new ones to work on and enjoy. I've seen life surround me with not too many people but the people that life has given to me are some of the best human beings I have ever met, are people that think like me, people that truly care about others, it's like life is taking away all the useless and dirty little things and giving me bigger and better things to make my house even better than before.
When you see yourself "losing" friends, you see yourself losing a job, or going through something that you would call a major change, when you feel like there is absolute chaos and everything is falling apart, think about what you have to do to fix your house, think about what you do when you are cleaning your house, it gets messy at first, everything is all over the place, and then once we get rid of what is no longer useful to us there is a space left for something new, and sometimes it takes a long time to get something new to replace the old because once we clean out our house, once we fix it we don't want to add just anything in it, we want to put something more beautiful than what we had there before and it takes time to find that something. Sometimes we realize that we don't need anything else to fill the space and we end up keeping it as it is and sometimes after we have clean out the old dirty and broken stuff we end up finding wonderful things that we had not paid attention to because they were hidden by all the junk.
So lets do ourselves a favor and lets try to not complain when things are not going the way we want them to go in our life, lets not focus on trying to fix the things that should be thrown away, lets not keep the things that no longer work all they do is collect dust and hide the good things we have that we should be paying attention to or keep us from finding that new thing that will make our lives better, that would add beauty and flow to our lives, lets not try and get that which we have gotten out of our house that no longer works back, if we tried our hardest to make it work and it doesn't then it will still not work, no matter how hard we keep trying. And above all lets make sure that once we get rid of something that is not useful we take the time to clean up the space it leaves behind, because just like you would not put on new clean clothes without taking a shower first you also should never add a new thing to your house without cleaning the space the old unusable thing left first.
But how do we know which ones are the ones we can fix? Well it's exactly like looking at something that is no longer working, we always attempt to fix it first but after trying our best we get the same outcome, the thing just does not work, it won't turn on anymore... It is exactly the same with people, you try to have a healthy relationship with someone and you give them a second chance, you work hard to try and change what the other person is complaining about you but the other person does absolutely nothing to change their behavior. They continue to insult you, put you down and really all they keep causing is pain. They don't work, it does not matter who they are, they don't work and not to be harsh but what do you do with something that does not work and you are unable to fix? You throw it away and buy a new one... Granted you can't buy a new father or mother or sibling but you can certainly learn to surround yourself with better people and you can't do that while you are keeping yourself busy with the same old ones that keep trying to bring you down, while you are focused on fixing the un-fixable you are missing out on the great deals that the store of life is throwing at you.
And with that I realized how life is always trying to give us exactly what we want, what we ask for but we keep trying to go back to the same old stuff that does not work, that is extremely dirty and that we are not able to clean up anymore and that should be tossed away because we are so darn stubborn and think that we can find a way of making it work, but life keeps trying and trying to let us know it no longer works and you need to move on and we keep getting dirty and coming into our house and letting it get dirty after we have just clean it out... It's like buying your old stuff at your own garage sale.
There was a period in my life where I felt like I was losing people, I felt like hey I am all alone and have no friends, my family hates me, and all I got is myself and my kiddo who I have to protect and I kept trying to make it work with everyone that it had not worked before, because they were family, they were close friends, and it kept not working, it seemed like everything I really wanted was getting further and further away from me.
Then I started to see what I had asked for, I had asked for peace and happiness and while it hurt to not talk to certain members of my family, while it was painful to lose them because of their own behavior now I realize that is how life was giving me exactly what I was asking for, in order for me to have peace (basically a clean house) I needed to get rid of the old unusable dirty things or in this case the people that were causing me more pain and sorrow by putting me down and pointing out all the things I did bad, the people that could easily get angry at me and raise their hand at me, the people that had a completely different moral compass than me and that I just knew did not belong in my life because they did things in a way that I just would never accept.
It took some time, just like it takes time to clean your house after you get rid of that old couch and buy a new one, the marks of the old couch remain on the carpet for a few weeks, sometimes months until eventually after going through with the vacuum over and over and over they get cleaned out and they are no longer there, but it happened, and it's still happening.
Sometimes it feels like I have less friends than I did before or that life is keeping me alone for some reason but it's not that, life is getting rid of the old things that no longer work, the things that needed to be replaced and slowly giving me new ones to work on and enjoy. I've seen life surround me with not too many people but the people that life has given to me are some of the best human beings I have ever met, are people that think like me, people that truly care about others, it's like life is taking away all the useless and dirty little things and giving me bigger and better things to make my house even better than before.
When you see yourself "losing" friends, you see yourself losing a job, or going through something that you would call a major change, when you feel like there is absolute chaos and everything is falling apart, think about what you have to do to fix your house, think about what you do when you are cleaning your house, it gets messy at first, everything is all over the place, and then once we get rid of what is no longer useful to us there is a space left for something new, and sometimes it takes a long time to get something new to replace the old because once we clean out our house, once we fix it we don't want to add just anything in it, we want to put something more beautiful than what we had there before and it takes time to find that something. Sometimes we realize that we don't need anything else to fill the space and we end up keeping it as it is and sometimes after we have clean out the old dirty and broken stuff we end up finding wonderful things that we had not paid attention to because they were hidden by all the junk.
So lets do ourselves a favor and lets try to not complain when things are not going the way we want them to go in our life, lets not focus on trying to fix the things that should be thrown away, lets not keep the things that no longer work all they do is collect dust and hide the good things we have that we should be paying attention to or keep us from finding that new thing that will make our lives better, that would add beauty and flow to our lives, lets not try and get that which we have gotten out of our house that no longer works back, if we tried our hardest to make it work and it doesn't then it will still not work, no matter how hard we keep trying. And above all lets make sure that once we get rid of something that is not useful we take the time to clean up the space it leaves behind, because just like you would not put on new clean clothes without taking a shower first you also should never add a new thing to your house without cleaning the space the old unusable thing left first.
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