Love and Relationships

Love, what is love? there are many meanings people give to that four letter word, most people can't even describe what is love, in reality is just a feeling, but what kind of feeling, how does one really feel when one is in love? how do you know you are in love? how do you know you are with the right person? how do you know you truly love someone and is not just an infatuation, just something of the moment...

I have to say that those are tough questions to answer, I was asked once why I loved someone and all I could say was: I don't know, I just do but I know that it is true because I have no reason to love him, that to me is true love, is a feeling is just there, it does not change if the person changes, it does not matter what the person does, the feeling does not go away is there, just thinking about that person brings joy.  If someone asks me why I love my daughter, I will answer the same way, most people will say hello? she is my child that's why I love her, and I say: just because she is your child it does not mean you have to love her, I mean there are many parents out there that just don't have that feeling for their children even though most never say it but they don't, some because they are selfish, others cause well... they probably have mental issues but these parents do exist.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she was telling me that her partner had told her who she could have as friends on Facebook especially if they were guy, but she was ok with it because she did not allow him to have any girls as friends on there. Boy was I in shock!!! I mean at least to me, I don't know if anyone else out there feels the same way but a relationship is built solely in mutual trust and respect, if you don't trust the person you are with then even if there is a little bit of respect, at some point that will be lost, and if there is no respect even if there is a little bit of trust then that trust will at some point be lost.

Human beings were born to be free; we were not born to live with restrictions and limitations, the restrictions that society has created, which we call laws, are there solely for the purpose of keeping us from doing things to harm one another, because if we all think about it if we were given free reign God knows where we would be. When it comes to relationships though one person does not own the other, two people get together not to form one life but to share the life they each already have. I had a boyfriend with whom I had no common friends, he met this guy through some of his friends, and to this day I do not like the guy, I have my reasons, it created some serious problems between him and me, I did not want him to talk to him about our life, I did not want him to tell him anything about me or our plans, finally I realized that if I could not accept his friend I could not be with him, he had the right to be friends with whomever he wanted to be friends, granted he had met the friend months after we were already dating but I had no right telling him to not talk to him. I used to always say that friends should always come before a boyfriend or a girlfriend, especially if you have known your friend longer than you have your partner, good friends to me are like the brothers or sisters you never had but found along the way to help you or to get in trouble with you, to make memories with, friends end up building part of who you are and if someone has a problem with them then they have a problem with you.

I kept thinking about other things that to me seem completely ridiculous to do, say or even expect from another human being. You expect the other person to not admire anyone else other than yourself, why? admiration does not mean love, admiration does not mean that person is cheating on you, it merely means that person has an opinion.  I love it too when I hear women complain about their boyfriends or husbands looking at another woman, because the woman is attractive or has a nice body, and they get all angry or they get sad about it; I once told a good friend of mine, a guy, that he will know he is truly in love when he can check out a hot girl but then he looks to the girl that he has as his girlfriend and says yeah that other one is hot but she is not her. A guy can look at other girls, maybe is just me but I don't find it disrespectful, I find it that if he does it in front of me he trusts me, I know he will not lie to me, he respects me because even if he does it behind my back I know he is just observing someone that is attractive, it does not mean he is gonna jump into bed with her, but maybe I am wrong because most women get offended by it, there are guys that get offended too.

Back to that whole mutual trust and respect thing, if you are with someone that you feel you have to check on every so often, that you have to talk to every time they are at lunch at work, that you feel like they are doing something wrong all the time, then you are with the wrong person. I can tell you right now that relationship will not last and if it does, both people will be miserable, and they will end up showing it, suddenly you will see a change in attitude, a change in behavior, there will be this sadness in their faces. At the same time, if you are with a person that does that to you then that person is not the right person for you, the right person will not tell you what you can or cannot do, they will not tell you that you need to be faithful because when you are with the right person you will want to be faithful to them, you will want to be just with them, and they will know and you will feel the same way. The right person will not call you every second they have free just to see where you are at or what you are doing, the right person will allow you to be you, they won't try to change anything about you, they accept you just like you are, and if you are with someone that does not then that is the wrong someone.

I told another friend that I believe the universe has one person for you, one that will drive you completely nuts but at the same time will make you smile, a person that, like I said before, will accept you just the way you are and you will accept that person just like they are; I said that person is worth the wait. People always try to figure out why there is so many people getting married and then getting divorced, it has become an epidemic, some say because people can't work out their differences, I believe is because most people just settle. People think that the way to happiness is to find a person, to marry them, buy a house, have children, get a job to pay the bills and that will allow you to do a little bit more like take a vacation every year, and that's it! They forget what they wanted to do when they were younger, they think they are getting too old to try and go after their "silly dreams" they change their major to one that will give them job security and stability, and they forget that all that does not bring any peace to the soul unless is something you really wanted in the first place. I have been lucky enough to learn that lesson early in life.

Most people believe that their dreams have to be forgotten, or set aside in order for that other person to be happy, that's when that big ugly word "compromise" comes into place. It becomes you leave this or forget about this and I will forget about this and that, you will not have this and I will not have that. I will not do this but you can't do that, and the list goes on and on, and every year something gets added to it. What a drag!!! A good relationship is not about giving up things for the other person is about finding a way to share your lives together without having to give up who you truly are, if you have to give up who you are for the another, just so that they will be happy then at some point you will look back and you will not be happy and that in turn will end up making them unhappy.

"I am happy because I have him/her" this statement is another one that is just absolutely wrong or better yet "I will be happy when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" what!!! Your happiness should never ever depend on another person, what a load you are putting on the person that is with you when you say that, it is a heavy load to carry, to be responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for being happy, until you become happy with yourself, you will not be happy with anyone, until you accept yourself you cannot expect anyone to accept you, is that simple! You can not expect to mold a human being to your liking, you can't even do that with your children, how can you possibly expect to do that with an adult? Mold yourself to the person you want to be, be happy with you, and then find someone who is happy with themselves so that they don't bring you down.

Anyway, these were just a few of my thoughts tonight, something I had in my mind, things I have said before but sometimes I have forgotten them myself.  I might not be in a relationship at the moment but I sure have learned a lot from the ones that I have been in. I know that many times I have forgotten who I am, I have put on hold my dreams in order for the other person to achieve theirs, and other times I have completely convinced myself that I wanted to be someone I was not just so that I could have what the world expected me to have: a husband, a house, a car, a job, good credit, and then form a family maybe continue with school, not studying what you are passionate about but studying something that will pay the mortgage, pay the car, daycare, that will allow you to save up for your kids' college education so that then they can follow the same path; what a misery that sounds to me now, don't get me wrong I will make sure my daughter has what she needs and sometimes a little more, but is horrible to think that she has to follow the same things that I did just to make everyone else happy, I just want her to be happy, do whatever she wants to do, study what she wants, I am sure she will figure out how to make money doing what she loves and that will be my greatest accomplishment.

I thank the universe for teaching me that the right person is worth the wait, that true love has no restrictions, that true love is free. For teaching me that a good relationship is built on communication and from then trust and respect are built, if one is missing then the other will be lost. For teaching me that I am happy on my own and with that allowing me to understand that when one is happy with themselves then the day the right person arrives will just be an added bonus. For teaching me that I am not responsible for making someone else happy, if they are not happy alone then I cannot carry the burden of trying to make them happy. And finally I thank the universe for teaching me that I am happier being alone than I would be if I was with the wrong person, for teaching me that I will never be happy if I just settled.