Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What can we learn from the Savannah situation on Mistresses

Here I was watching Monday's episode of Mistresses and while I really thought they would not be able to keep this season as interesting as last season and after agreeing with most everyone that after last season's cliff hanger the first episode of the second season was really not that great, the writers have managed to keep me coming back and keep on watching.  
With that said, while watching Monday's episode it suddenly dawned on me how much the show can teach us about interpersonal relationships and out ability to actually have and keep one going.
Let me start with Savannah and Harry, perfect example of how a couple that has been together for several years can fall apart and the relationship be completely destroyed because of lack of communication. HUH you say? She cheated on him with her co-worker, what am I talking about right? Well, why did she cheat? how did she end up in the hands of Dominic (by the way I really don't like him at all, I don't care how hot he looks), she had an argument with Harry and Harry was not really ready to talk about what was going on in his head so he decided to close himself up to his wife and in doing so his wife felt like now everything was gonna be over and therefore well the moment she had with Dom ended up being something that turned out to be super messy.....
Now, I am not giving Savi a free pass, she definitely made a mistake and she made a big one! Breaking the trust of the person that has been there with you for all those years and who has been loyal to you is just not right at all... But shit happens and once it did then what? After Harry found out and the reaction he had, which let me tell you something anyone that said that it was bad to react that way and ask her to choose between him and her baby, just put yourself in that situation for one moment... Your wife comes to tell you that she is pregnant with the child of another guy after having sex with said guy just one time and after you and her have been trying to get pregnant for a long time and after you were just told that it was not your wife the one with the problem but that it was you, how the hell would you react? Do you really expect anyone to react any different? This is why it is called a reaction, you really don't think about things when you are full of confusion, sadness and disappointment. 
Which leads me to another thing this teaches us, something all of us should already know but because we are human we really don't apply it much to our day to day lives: NEVER, I repeat NEVER, make a decision or talk about something while you are still having all these negative feelings flowing in you, and NEVER, I mean NEVER, push a person to talk about an issue if they are not ready to do so, you will end up hurt and might end up hearing words that you won't be able to get out of your head, something else that you will have to overcome. 
And that brings me to this: In everything you will encounter in life, every problem you encounter, and with every relationship you will ever have one of the other key components is how much patience you will have to handle it.  No one can expect someone else to get over hurt and sorrow and a break in loyalty immediately, it takes time to heal and when trust has been broken it takes a lot of time to over come that, some people are able to do so and others are not, but it is whether you have the capability to wait and see if the other person comes around, if they are worthy of you waiting, especially if you are the one that messed up, then you wait, and you stay put, but our inability to do so is usually what drive us to make the wrong decisions and fall into the wrong situations. When you don't know which decision to make is best to make none, eventually I promise you that you will find the clarity and the answer will come.
Savi did not wait, she wanted Harry to get over things quickly, and then when the car accident happened and Harry came around she decided to push him away and stay with Dom, she was hurt because of how things had been and instead of waiting to heal, she chose in a moment that was clouded by emotions and not thinking that sometimes it takes something big to happen in order to make another human being realize what they have, it's a shame that that's how life works but it's how it works.  Sometimes just the idea that that other person is no longer gonna be there with you or for you ends up making you realize how much they mean to you and the rest ends up being insignificant.
Let's touch a little on the Savannah and Dominic relationship...
Any relationship that starts with one person knowingly deceiving another person is bound to fail, now I am not saying that it is not possible to make things work, but think about this the mistrust that Savannah pointed out to Dominic at the beginning of season 2 will always be there, it was still there, she did not trust Dominic, I think she really does not trust anyone at the moment, not even herself so how can you expect anyone to trust her. I was kind of glad that the episode ended the way it did, it brings me to another lesson, no matter whether you are the one that hurt someone else or the one being hurt, you have to take time to be with your own thoughts and figure out exactly what it is you want. Savannah never did that, you can't go from a relationship that has lasted years and jump right into another one, you have to have time to figure what the hell happened, even when you were the one cheating, why did you cheat? did you cheat because you were not in love with the person you were with anymore or did you cheat because you were feeling that there was something missing that it was actually there before? In either case you have to learn about it and it takes time to do so, it does not happen over night and you will definitely not figure it out while you are investing your time in a new relationship. 
All in all, this situation that has been presented in the show, which I think a lot of people can relate to in one way or another and it's why the show is (in my view) very powerful, shows us that interpersonal relationships take a lot of effort, a lot of work on both parts, a lot of patience and an extreme amount of understanding of the other person to make them work. The trust and loyalty you build with another person is priceless, getting to know someone in a deeper level takes a lot of time and communication, you never really stop learning from them and every situation that might arise will give you further insight on them, their reactions will not always be what we expect because in order for us to know exactly how someone will react we first have to put that someone in that situation and if the situation has not arise before then you won't know, they won't know and if they don't know then you have to give it time, the question in the end will be: Is this relationship worth saving? If it is then it is worth the wait, and if it is worth the wait then you should do just that, wait. If it is not then you should take time on your own and slowly move on, and if you are focusing on having the next relationship, the next encounter and worrying when it will happen then you are not really spending time on your own, don't jump into the next relationship thinking that the next person will make all your doubts disappear and make you happy, that is a lot of responsibility to put on someone, especially when that other person will still be working on making themselves happy. Always remember that the only person that will ever be able to put your mind at ease and that can truly make you happy is you. 

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