Time heals everything...

I woke up today with that thought in my head: "Time heals everything" what a bullshit thing we say to ourselves to make ourselves feel better...
The only reason why we say time heals everything is because with time we get used to our new ways of living, nothing more than that.
When it comes to losing someone we love, whether it is because the angel of death takes them from us or because the circumstances of life pushes us in different paths, we never really heal over the loss of someone we love... I was sitting here remembering all those times I've lost someone I loved, some of them it has been years and I can say it does not hurt any less that they are gone, all that's different is that with time I've gotten used to them not being around and so that's how life became easier, but it does not hurt any less to not have them here...
Same thing happens when you lose things, life takes a turn for the worst and suddenly your entire world is upside down, everything you had you lost and slowly you are forced to rebuild everything, you never really get over that, you just get used to rebuilding, you get focused on rebuilding and sort of forget how you felt, eventually you get used to not having the things you had before and you get used to the new things, it's not healing really it's changing and getting used to that change even though deep inside you still liked the way it was before better...
Time heals everything... How crazy the human race is, we like to believe these things to make us feel better without even realizing exactly what we are saying, our ability to adapt to change is what makes everything bearable and our inability to realize how quickly we adapt to new situations even when we don't want to is what make us suffer and sometimes the suffering becomes so unbearable because we think we can't adapt to anything that happens to us. We want to think that if we create the change then it will be more bearable, we chose it and therefore it's good because we were in charge but we know we are never really in control, we can control our decisions but not the outcome but we will get used to the outcome, as hard as it will be at first, eventually we all get used to the outcome, sometimes the outcome changes us and sometimes we decide that we have to change again in order to get a different outcome but regardless we will get used to it.
Time does not heal everything, the hurt will always be there because we will always remember how we felt, but time allows you to accept those feelings, accept the outcomes of your decisions, accept the outcomes and lessons of life and as time passes we adapt quicker to the changes we are put through... And it's ok to be sad, it's ok to feel, we have to feel, feeling is how we learn to appreciate the good and the bad, we learn that without one we couldn't know about the other, we learn that sometimes bad is good we just don't see that it is until we adapt and realize even though it hurt to change, it was eventually for the better of everyone.

Life is not hard

I woke up today with one thought in my mind: "Life is not hard" but why is it that the majority of the people in this world will tell you that life is hard? I mean what makes life hard? How hard is it to just live?
The more I thought about it the more I realized that life is only hard because we make it hard, we make it hard for us to live life, it is our nature as humans to do just that. It is probably the most ridiculous thing we will ever do, making life hard to live.
The first way we do this is by thinking everyone is the same, we are all the same and therefore we should all accomplish the same things even though we are fully aware that each of us is a completely different world, we know we are different but we want to be the same. Why? Because of our intense need of belonging, we need to belong somewhere, we can't possibly be happy on our own we have to try and fit in and in trying to fit in we make our life hard because it takes a lot more effort to be someone you are not than to just be yourself.
That leads me to the next thought... Society has this ridiculous set of rules, we grow up thinking the way to live a fulfilling life is if we do certain things certain way even if that way is not the way we want to do it, we think that we have to go study hard, get a degree, get married, have a family, get a house, get a car the latest in technology and well whatever else society thinks is the norm. But we don't want to do any of that and when we decide we don't want to do any of that then we either have family and friends telling us how wrong we are and how we are never going to reach happiness by that thought process and thus it shifts us into the ok this is how other people got happy and so I guess it will have to work for me, but it doesn't work because that is not what you wanted in the first place.
And that takes me to here: when you do things you don't want to do, life itself has a way of shaking you up and to try and bring you back to what you really wanted out of life. Have you ever noticed how when you do something you really don't want to do everything seems harder to get or once you get there it falls apart extremely quickly? Yeah, that's life telling you that you are not like everyone else, each one of us is unique and the idea that we have that we all must follow the same paths is ridiculous because if we all did that then nothing in this world would work, but do we ever listen to that? We know this, we are fully aware of it but we go against it, we go against the tide of life and swimming against the tide is freaking hard!
I know many people don't believe this but there are signs everywhere, all around you, always there is a sign trying to get you to the place where you belong, we choose to either follow the irrational signs we know full well that will take us to our ultimate goal which is happiness, or we choose to not follow the signs and be like the majority of people on this earth. I can attest that every time I followed the irrational signs my life has gotten better and better, it was when I follow what everyone else told me I should do that my life got harder...
Let me explain further...
Years ago I worked really hard to go to this acting and modeling competition in California, it was an amazing opportunity for me to be seen by many people in that industry which could help me launch my career, that is all I ever wanted to do. At the end of the competition I got two callbacks, 2 more than what anyone that knew me was expecting, I called home and told my father how it had gone, his words were: well congrats, I am proud of you but now you can come back to reality and work towards something that will actually feed you, you have proven to yourself you could do it now go back to school. I was 18 years old and because that was my daddy, the wisest of all men (or so I thought) I decided to go back and not think anything of it, let me just forget my dream, it will be too much hard work to actually do what I want and in the end I will gain nothing, seemed reasonable... So I did it, I went back to school with the thought that I had to pick out a major in something that will actually give me a good job, it did not matter whether I liked what I was doing, it mattered only that I was going to be able to feed myself and eventually raise a family.
Thing is that I had no idea what major to pick, there was only one thing I wanted to do with my life and that was acting and modeling, I never had a backup of what I wanted, so then I said well what if I go into the computer business, I will learn how to program a computer, create websites, manage networks blah blah blah... Dad said: No, you don't have the passion required for that field, you have never shown any interest in Computer Technology, so you won't be good at it... Ok I said, I have not really shown any passion for anything else other than acting or modeling so what does it matter what I pick, I will learn, I have always proven to myself I could learn anything.
So I ended up being a Business Major, cause why not, you could learn to manage a business, and even if you don't love it, it will pay the bills and "feed you", give you enough money to raise a family and blah blah... Since it was just what every other person that did not know what to pick as a major went into, dad did not object, he just said: well if that is what you are passionate about then go for it (which completely contradicted what he had said about me going into show business, but that is how a lot of people are, if to them their dream did not come true because of one thing or another then everyone else has to follow into their footsteps and go with a second dream not with their ultimate one that would just bring an extreme amount of happiness beyond believe, even if you are making absolutely the bare minimum to get by)
What was the outcome of all that, I never finished college, the reality was that I was miserable paying for an education on a major I did not want to have, I got my boyfriend at the time and we decided we wanted to go live somewhere else, we could get jobs paying us enough to pay for our bills and live comfortably so why not... The thing is that every job was just that, a job and every job was not what either of us really wanted and that just made each of us extremely miserable, especially me, I always had in the back of my mind that I could do something different, why was life so hard? Life was hard because I made it hard, I kept listening to what everyone else was telling me that life is, how hard you have to work for this, how hard you have to work for that... Ten years later I realized that working hard for something you really want is not really work, is having fun, you have fun when you are studying the things you want to study, you have fun when you are working in the industry you always wanted to be in, it does not matter who else is there and trying to make your life miserable, they can't because you are happy doing what you love to do and suddenly you realize that it's their problem if they want to be miserable not yours!
Another example on that, I went to work as a promotional model for a show, I was having fun, there was this girl next to me who kept complaining about everything that was going wrong, she had this set of rules for everyone and she was just another model, not in charge of the event at all, all she was trying to do was make life hard, but it never bothered me, why? Because at the end of the night even though I was extremely tired I was doing what I love to do and because of that I did not care about her misery and her misery could not make me miserable because I could really care less about her attitude, I was happy.
So, please stop thinking life is hard, life is not hard we make it hard! And stop making your life hard for yourself, you don't have to do what everyone else did, you don't have to follow your parent's advice on how life works, they had their lives to live and they lived them the best way they could, their job was to guide you, provide for you and protect you until the day you could open your wings and fly on your own, your decisions should not be made because of what they said you should do with your life, your decisions should be made because of what you want to do in life, what are you passionate about that you want to do, go for it, it is tiring but not hard, it's only hard because we have tons of people telling us that we are doing it all wrong and that tends to make us doubt ourselves when we shouldn't, when you are following your heart, your soul, you never lose, you always win and if you are having a hard time believing in that, then take a break from the world, stop talking to those that believe they have the answer to your happiness, they make life hard, the only one that has the answers is you!

Just a random thought on love.

I'm feeling a bit romantic today, I guess that's the word I can give this feeling, just thinking about love which I have been thinking about a lot more lately than I've ever had before.

What is love and why is it so powerful, we have yet to figure that out but love is not selfish, love does not hurt, love gives all and when we find that, it becomes the most scary thing, because it's not about how many things you can do together, how much money you have, how much sex you have, it's about the things you do for each other without expecting anything in return and that in itself is scary.

It's scary to thing that another human being is willing to do anything for you and expect nothing in return, that's usually just love that our parents give and even them don't really do that, our parents always expect us to be our very best. 

It's scary to think that someone you know has seen all your flaws, has seen you at your worst, has seen all the bad and good you can be and they won't judge, not one moment will they look at you in judgement, you might think they do because we tend to judge ourselves harshly but they never do. Finding someone that accepts you, all of you, all that you are and is not bothered by it at all, someone that just knows that's you and if you weren't you they probably couldn't love you as much... That's a hard thing to find, a hard thing to accept once you've found it because it's almost unreal! 

We always think how could someone that has seen my all, good and bad, still want to be around me? But that is love, some say love is blind but it is not that love is blind, it is that true love accepts the other person exactly how they are, its only goal is to make sure the other person is happy and their happiness brings you happiness.

But it is a scary thing because with life things can change and being human means we will try our hardest to protect ourselves from getting hurt, so we build walls, we run, we hide when we find someone that's all willing for us, that's so loyal to us but never asks us to be loyal to them. That form of true unconditional love is so unreal, that you find it only in fairy tales.

So we say this is too unreal, it must not be real and because it is not real I should just stay away from it, let me run, let me hide before all this happiness happens because if it happens and it turns out that it was all a lie then I will have no saving.

The thing is that no matter how hard one person tries, true love is hard to hide and it's even harder to pretend that it does not exist, you can see it in their eyes, they light up when you make them smile, they light up when you smile and they get sad when the thought of losing you comes to mind because as humans we always think about loss, we have learned that nothing lasts forever, one day people die and they are no longer physically around but we must always remember that the memories we made with them will always remain and no one can take that away from us.

Once I thought: there will always be new things that come along, there will always be new people, new places to go, but there will only be one time, some are lucky and end up experiencing it twice, when you will meet someone with whom no matter what you are doing or not doing, the rest of the world does not exist, someone who makes you smile just by thinking about them, that will drive you absolutely insane because they can be the most annoying person in the world, yet you can't stand not having them around, one person that will be able to open the walls you've created and that will come right in and make themselves at home, and they will see the house messy and things that need to be changed but they won't want to change them, they know that those things are what make you you and you are the best person you can be and because of that they will inspire you to be better, to do better. One person that will risk it all, that will help you keep going, that will shake you down when you need to be shaken down because you are not being yourself, that will laugh with you, one person that will make a huge difference in your life, one person that you will just feel like you've known them for your entire life. When you find that person don't let go, don't be afraid to jump in. If they've seen your worst and they are still around, if they have a key to unlock the walls that surround you because they kept persisting until they found that key, if they are someone you can just naturally flow with and the idea of ever losing them or not being around them makes you feel like there is a knife being push into your stomach, if the idea of them being unhappy makes you feel the same way then don't be afraid to jump in especially if they show the same amount of caring and love for you, you can replace everything else in life but those kinds of people that love you unconditionally they don't come around as often as you think... You would be very lucky if you get to experience it more than once. 

In the end everything is alright...

Ohh the uncertainties of life...
Life is amazing and painful all at the same time, it comes with ups and downs, sometimes though it seems like there are more downs than ups and that is usually because it is in our nature to focus on the downs, because somehow we think that focusing on the downs we will be able to get the ups faster and be able to keep the ups around longer. I mean we are creatures that learn from their mistakes (usually if we are smart enough). Naturally when we burn ourselves for the first time we try to not do what we did the time we burned ourselves a second time. We learn from the mistake and by thinking about what we did wrong we in turn avoid getting hurt again.
But that's not how everything in life works. We live in a world where we are not in control of anything (I have written this before), we are at the mercy of not only our decisions but the decisions that others make. The idea that everything will be alright in the end is our idea of hope, it is the idea that even when we do make a mistake and we get burned eventually the burn will heal and we will grow new skin and then everything will be ok. It is our idea of faith, whether you believe it is the work of a supreme being or the work of just how things flow naturally in the universe.
Lately I've been repeating those words to myself because lately I have been feeling that everything is not going to be alright, that things are falling apart and because I can't see past a few steps from where I am standing and because I don't have a full picture of the puzzle of my life, I am not able to see the outcome of it, I can't see the how the pieces fit or what part of the picture they are making. And that is why we get anxious... Because we want to see the final picture, we want to see the puzzle put together, we want to rush it and not wait the time we need to wait in order to see it form, it is one of our greatest faults: our inability to be patient, especially after a period when everything was falling into place, or it seemed like it was and then something sudden changes and it either stops the flow for a little bit or some of the pieces that were given to you are taken away.
So what do we have then? All we can really do is hope... For me I have had to go back and see how my life has unfolded, from the moment I moved to this country, leaving the people I loved the most and that would always protect me no matter what and ending up with an abusive father who I thought I knew but it turned out I didn't.
Then I see myself ending up with a drug addicted husband, and ending up with a 9 month old baby living in a room with no phone, no internet, no way of communicating with anyone and at the mercy that my husband would not get too high so that he would remember that he had to come back and get us so we could eat because we also did not have food in our fridge...
I go back to all those times and I think to myself: hell I have been through a lot worse than what I am going through right now, and back then all I had to do was listen to that little voice inside which ended up guiding me to better things... I listened to that voice and I was able to get out of that room and was able to see my baby grow, and to keep her with me during those first years of live.
I remember when I had lost a job that was covering my expenses and how after I lost it I had no where to go, and then I remember when I worried the most all I had to do was try and keep quiet and just listen to the universe and the answer would be given to me right on time... That is how I found a different job, one that I needed at the time, I needed to work from home and I needed a salary and I needed benefits so I went to sleep and I said this is what I need... I kid you not the next day I woke up and I felt like searching for work at home jobs on Google, the very first company I saw, I had not seen ever before, I applied and got the job. Few weeks later I wanted to move to an apartment on my own, not just a rented room like we had at that point. And so I went where I felt I was being called to, I don't know why but I just followed that feeling, two months later I was moving into my very own apartment, it was not the best place in the world but it was ours.
6 months went by and I visited a different city, I had driven on a Friday all day after having little sleep the night before, I got to my hotel and totally passed out... The next morning I had this feeling that I needed to move at the end of my lease, not something I wanted to do at the time, not the city I wanted to move to eventually, and most definitely without having any money to move to a different city. So I said well, what will be will be... 6 months went by and I came to the city I am now living in again, somehow the money was there to travel and look for an apartment, I did not even know where it all came from, being a person that lives month to month like most people these days, I really had no idea how I was going to pull it off and even less of an idea of how I was going to pull off the move, one thing was spending money on going to look for an apartment, another thing was to actually spend money on moving.
After I applied for the apartment I got a call a few days later, I had gotten approved, the deposit that was needed for the apartment was less than what they originally told me it was going to be and as an added bonus it was exactly what I had additional in my bank account after I had paid all my bills that month. It somehow worked, I had no idea how but it did, and so I just went with it... Things just worked out, I had no idea and I still don't have the slightest idea as to why I am in this city... I have tried to figure it out, sometimes I thought it was because the schools are better than back where I was, other times I think is because of the people that I've met so far, other times I think it is because here is where I will be able to find one more piece to my puzzle or maybe a few more pieces, I really don't know, it made absolutely no sense and it still doesn't.
All I know is that for this moment this is where I have to be, ups and downs don't matter because every up gives you hope and every down somehow brings you to another up and to another piece of your puzzle, you just don't see it right now, because we can't see the destination yet, we are not there yet. Life is like traveling, you can only see a few miles ahead of you, sometimes you see that there is a bad storm ahead, because in the highway you can see the clouds at the distance and you think how you are going to have to drive through that and then you reach the storm and only go through a couple of miles of rain, but we could not see past that distance...
So here I am again, closing into a storm and worrying about it while I don't yet know if it is just a mile of it or if it is a few miles of it. Here I am worrying about how everything is turning even when I felt like it was not going to, when the ride was the smoothest, now I am hitting a lot of bumps and getting hurt and exhausted by them... But that's when I have to stop and I have to think about how life has worked out before, how I am still on the road and the road is not always bumpy, how I have to learn to separate the fear of not knowing the next thing that will happen with the hope of what I want at the moment and with what my goal or purpose in life is which in the end is the only thing that matters. What we want to achieve, that final picture, the one we are being given the puzzle pieces to, the one that will give us the greatest joy, that is all that matters and if we forget for one moment about that and we decide to focus on what we want at this moment in time, or how we want the bumps of the road completely gone we will end up taking a detour and finishing that puzzle will end up taking a lot longer than we expect.
Don't listen to the fear of the storm, don't worry about the little bumps, listen to your voice, is this right? where the directions that you took correct and this is part of the road to your greatest happiness or did you take a detour because you decided that what you wanted right now was more important this moment in time than your final destination? You always have the answer, it is not always logical but you always have it, don't let fear consume you, don't let it get the best of you and don't let it force you to immediate gratification because immediate gratification always ends quickly, it never lasts. Great things and great places take a long time to make and a long time to get to.

Cleaning out your life

I was having a conversation with a friend today, she was telling me about one of her little ones always saying that her grandmother who passed away a little bit ago was fixing her house and making it into a castle, this got me thinking...

Lately I've been asking myself why certain things have happened in my life and why it is that it takes so long for me to be able to reach certain "goals" I have set for myself and then I realized that in order for us to be able to get something new and amazing we first need to get rid of the old and dirty and then we have to clean out the dust left behind before we put something new in otherwise the new things will get dirty and won't last.

That's how our lives are, we are born into certain families, some people have great parents others have not so great parents and others have very abusive parents. As we grow older we start to accumulate an immense amount of friends, some are good some are not so good. Some of us have great siblings others have siblings that somehow even though they grew up with the same set of parents they ended up with a completely different moral compass than us.

And so it is, we keep growing and we keep dragging these people with us even though we know that they don't belong in our lives. Yes, most of the people we tend to drag along are family and close friends because society states that family should never be left behind and that family will always be there. We say things like: well he is my father, or well she is my mother, she is my sister, or I have known him or her since we were in diapers and that's why we accept whatever behavior they have towards us. This is not true, just because they are related to you, or because you've known them for a long time it does not mean they belong in your life...

Trust me I understand completely how that goes because I've done that; I carried on a member of my family and kept trying to make things work so that they could remain in my life and each time it seemed like things would be ok for a little while but then they would go back to the same way they were before and it was exhausting and hurtful because it was broken to the point of it not being able to be repaired.

So let's think about it... What is it that we are always asking for or complaining about? We all want to be happy, we all want to have peace of mind, we all want joy and we all want to have our version of success to come true. But how can we achieve that when we are dragging around all these other things that are of no use to us anymore? Or keeping around things that are damaged and that we are not able to fix? All these things that are basically anchoring us to the same place we are in now. 

Think of life as your house, your home, and all the people that you have grown up with are the things in it. As the years pass and we start to get new things we keep around the house only those things that we tend to use in our daily routines, because those things make it easier to deal with our day to day activities, sometimes the things that are not of good quality will break and we have to get rid of them because there is no way we can fix them, other times something of good quality will break but because it was of good quality we are able to fix it and keep using it for years to come. That's how relationships work, it does not matter who they are with, sometimes you have some that break and can never be fixed no matter what you do and other times you have some that you can fix and they continue to work for many years to come.
But how do we know which ones are the ones we can fix? Well it's exactly like looking at something that is no longer working, we always attempt to fix it first but after trying our best we get the same outcome, the thing just does not work, it won't turn on anymore... It is exactly the same with people, you try to have a healthy relationship with someone and you give them a second chance, you work hard to try and change what the other person is complaining about you but the other person does absolutely nothing to change their behavior. They continue to insult you, put you down and really all they keep causing is pain. They don't work, it does not matter who they are, they don't work and not to be harsh but what do you do with something that does not work and you are unable to fix? You throw it away and buy a new one... Granted you can't buy a new father or mother or sibling but you can certainly learn to surround yourself with better people and you can't do that while you are keeping yourself busy with the same old ones that keep trying to bring you down, while you are focused on fixing the un-fixable you are missing out on the great deals that the store of life is throwing at you.
And with that I realized how life is always trying to give us exactly what we want, what we ask for but we keep trying to go back to the same old stuff that does not work, that is extremely dirty and that we are not able to clean up anymore and that should be tossed away because we are so darn stubborn and think that we can find a way of making it work, but life keeps trying and trying to let us know it no longer works and you need to move on and we keep getting dirty and coming into our house and letting it get dirty after we have just clean it out... It's like buying your old stuff at your own garage sale.
There was a period in my life where I felt like I was losing people, I felt like hey I am all alone and have no friends, my family hates me, and all I got is myself and my kiddo who I have to protect and I kept trying to make it work with everyone that it had not worked before, because they were family, they were close friends, and it kept not working, it seemed like everything I really wanted was getting further and further away from me.
Then I started to see what I had asked for, I had asked for peace and happiness and while it hurt to not talk to certain members of my family, while it was painful to lose them because of their own behavior now I realize that is how life was giving me exactly what I was asking for, in order for me to have peace (basically a clean house) I needed to get rid of the old unusable dirty things or in this case the people that were causing me more pain and sorrow by putting me down and pointing out all the things I did bad, the people that could easily get angry at me and raise their hand at me, the people that had a completely different moral compass than me and that I just knew did not belong in my life because they did things in a way that I just would never accept.
It took some time, just like it takes time to clean your house after you get rid of that old couch and buy a new one, the marks of the old couch remain on the carpet for a few weeks, sometimes months until eventually after going through with the vacuum over and over and over they get cleaned out and they are no longer there, but it happened, and it's still happening.
Sometimes it feels like I have less friends than I did before or that life is keeping me alone for some reason but it's not that, life is getting rid of the old things that no longer work, the things that needed to be replaced and slowly giving me new ones to work on and enjoy. I've seen life surround me with not too many people but the people that life has given to me are some of the best human beings I have ever met, are people that think like me, people that truly care about others, it's like life is taking away all the useless and dirty little things and giving me bigger and better things to make my house even better than before.
When you see yourself "losing" friends, you see yourself losing a job, or going through something that you would call a major change, when you feel like there is absolute chaos and everything is falling apart, think about what you have to do to fix your house, think about what you do when you are cleaning your house, it gets messy at first, everything is all over the place, and then once we get rid of what is no longer useful to us there is a space left for something new, and sometimes it takes a long time to get something new to replace the old because once we clean out our house, once we fix it we don't want to add just anything in it, we want to put something more beautiful than what we had there before and it takes time to find that something. Sometimes we realize that we don't need anything else to fill the space and we end up keeping it as it is and sometimes after we have clean out the old dirty and broken stuff we end up finding wonderful things that we had not paid attention to because they were hidden by all the junk.
So lets do ourselves a favor and lets try to not complain when things are not going the way we want them to go in our life, lets not focus on trying to fix the things that should be thrown away, lets not keep the things that no longer work all they do is collect dust and hide the good things we have that we should be paying attention to or keep us from finding that new thing that will make our lives better, that would add beauty and flow to our lives, lets not try and get that which we have gotten out of our house that no longer works back, if we tried our hardest to make it work and it doesn't then it will still not work, no matter how hard we keep trying. And above all lets make sure that once we get rid of something that is not useful we take the time to clean up the space it leaves behind, because just like you would not put on new clean clothes without taking a shower first you also should never add a new thing to your house without cleaning the space the old unusable thing left first.

Relationships don't last now a days, but why?

And so I was going through my Facebook news feed a few moments ago and I saw an status update from a friend that said that relationships and marriages are a gamble in today's world, but see relationships are not a gamble it's just that the world has changed a heck of a lot in the past couple of hundred years and with that change we have also changed the way we view and the way we conduct our relationships.

A hundred years ago society saw divorce as the worst thing you could ever do, if you got married you had to stay married, no matter what, even 50 years ago women would refuse to get a divorce even if they knew their husbands had a pregnant mistress on the side, the mistress always remained a mistress and the poor child would grow up hidden in the shadows of the affair with the big "bastard" sign on their forehead (yes I know a few older couples that have been in that situation and their families just found out about the other woman and the child when the child turned 30 years old and now there was no use in hiding it anymore) Now a days we don't tolerate that, a woman is not going to remain married to a man that is cheating on her, she will divorce him and take half his money and move on, as painful as it will be for her. 

Then you have the other side, women cheating on men, that was something that rarely happened back 100 or even 50 years ago, but now it is a more common thing, women now are allowed to express themselves more freely, especially when it comes to our sexuality, back then we were not allowed to do that, sex was something that was very personal, very intimate, especially for a woman, it was not allowed to leave the bedroom of a husband and wife. Think about how sex is now, it is thrown in everyone's faces, you turn the TV on and there it is. This freedom helps create an image of a man that does not exist, and suddenly we start looking for it... And when you look for something you usually end up finding it.

Add social media and the way we communicate with everyone, we have the entire world at our fingertips, there are apps where you can find a girl or a guy that is within miles of you and you can ask them to meet up, just with the touch of a button, it's right there. It's so easy to find someone new and exciting to replace the old one. I mean how exciting is it to meet a new person? To learn about them, have a nice conversation with someone about what they like and what they don't like, all that usually lasts about two months, and after that you tend to not talk as much because well even though there is still a lot to learn from the other person, the excitement level goes down and so you feel like you have to look for someone new...

With that said, add now how we communicate with each other.  I have always said that the basis of any relationship is communication, there is no such thing as love first and everything else coming from it, the truth is you cannot love someone without knowing them (and if you are gonna say well what about the love of a mother for their child, well let me tell you something, a child is an extension of the mother so the mother already knows the child because they know themselves). A relationship, any relationship, first starts with communication, you talk, you learn about each other, but back then you had to do it either in person or by talking on the phone, there was no such thing as texting or email or social media, you actually had to be there. Your presence makes a big difference! Now a days we communicate how? a text here, a text there and I have said this before: have you ever gone back and read an entire conversation you had with someone over text and realized that you missed something the other person had texted because you were too busy typing your answer to the question they had sent before that one text you missed? Yeah, it happens a lot! not only that but you can never feel the emotion or read body language on a text, the best you are ever gonna get is a emoji trying to explain how the other person feels a that moment.

Let's keep going with this social media thing, (I am beginning to think this is possibly too long of a blog post but who cares, I am trying to get my point across haha!) because of social media now a days it is a heck of a lot easier for someone to pretend they are something they are not.  Because of social media it is a lot easier for someone to learn about another person without having to ask them about themselves, we live in a world that over shares everything, we live in a world where we see everything through the lens of a camera phone, we live in a world where everything you like on the internet can be easily seen by other people... And with that you now live in a world where someone who is your "friend" on Facebook can easily find things about yourself and pretend to like the same things you like only because they want to get you in bed. They can easily become the perfect person for you. (yes I know that is pretty scary but ohh so true!!!)

I am going to add one more thing to that social media over sharing... What do people do now a days when they have a problem? they post it on their social media profile. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ are all our outlets for relationship problems, we don't go and talk to the person about it anymore, we post it and wait for our friends to comment, and then we get that one friend that is the kind that likes to get involved in everything that always wants to give advice on how to deal with the relationship, or the guy or the girl who has been secretly waiting for you to have an issue with the person you are currently with just so that they can come in and tell you how they would NEVER do that to you! Again making it a heck of a lot easier to dump one and replace it with another. 

With all this I have just one more thing to add... there is one thing that human beings fear the most, we have an extreme fear of being alone, that fear is usually what gets us to pick the wrong person, that fear is what get us to jump into relationships too quickly, that fear is what does not allow us to maintain the relationship we have now. And because of how our society is changing, now a days we are even less accustomed to being alone and enjoying our solitude, the solitude we all need to get our thoughts together and figure out what we really want out of life.  We are always surrounded by someone, always in constant communication with someone that we don't listen to ourselves anymore and because of that our fear of being alone has increased tremendously and because of it more and more people rush into things, we don't take the time anymore to learn about the other person, to get the trust and the respect to grow like it should, to take it day by day and be friends first and see if that other person can be a good partner for you, to actually enjoy each other alone without the noise of the world telling you what is right and what is wrong for you. We don't take the time to show the other person who we really are because we are afraid that they might leave us if we do, so we go on pretending to be someone we are not until we become so unhappy that we can't pretend anymore, and I guess that's where the gamble comes into place, because at that point all you can do is hope that this other person falls in love with the real you and most times they don't so the fear of being left alone becomes true quicker than you thought...

That is why relationships don't last now a days, because the world has changed and we have forgotten the most basic things that make a relationship work. We have let ourselves get dragged into a world where we listen to everyone else but ourselves, where everyone else has the answer but not us, where we put on a screen in front of our faces and pretend we are someone we are not. We have gotten dragged into a make believe world where we have people telling us how you know when you have met the one? And we have forgotten that the only person that knows how they've met "the one" is you, because your "the one" is not the same "the one" for someone else. 

Love

It does not matter where I am or what I do, as long as you are with me nothing else matters...

True love inspires you to be better, to do better! True love means that no matter what you do, where you go, all you want is for another human being, the one you truly love, to be happy and as long as they are happy you will be happy.

True love is not jealous or controlling, true love is free, true love is what fuels the world, it is what gives hope to the masses, without it, I think we are all lost...

So don't ever regret loving someone with everything you've got and then having that person not do the same because when you look back if the love you had for them was true and pure then that time was probably the best time of your life, that time was probably the time when you got inspired to do better and because of that you became a better person so it does matter if you were never loved back the way you want it or hoped you still won something great! Just the mere fact that you were capable of loving purely and freely is enough to be thankful for, not many are capable of it and those who aren't will never experience the joy and inspiration that pure and true love brings, those people will never be as rich as those who have felt true love for another.